NiMroD Kor3N

2011-12-20T07:26:00.000-08:00

my blog.. with no updates for freaking 4months?!

hahaha.. havent read anybody's blog either! what happened to my so called die hard interest..

dreams and hopes of writing..?

all just relinquished in dust.. haha!

just to drop by.. since im having the time..

intresting how blogger hasnt changed much since the very beginning i start scribbling things around

but here we have facebook with its new facelift called

TIMELINE..

lol much.

well.. a BIG hello.. again.. ;)

Angels

2011-08-20T03:05:00.000-07:00

The holiest place that could ever be

All you can do is bow

Before the One who made heaven and earth

Before the Almighty God

For Him alone

Sing with the angels

Singing the Name of the Lord

For every soul, He gave it all

Given for all of mankind

Eternal life is His alone

Given to all who believe

In Him alone, in Him alone

not afraid..afraid

2011-07-30T01:16:00.000-07:00

m not afraid of heights,
m afraid of falling...
m not scared of te dark,
m scared of wat's in it...
m not afraid 2 lov,
m afraid of not being loved back...^_^..

-kethees sivam-->FB-

Unashamed

2011-07-14T10:13:00.000-07:00

I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokeness complete

nothing much..^^

2011-07-13T07:52:00.000-07:00

there i go again.. for the pass few days.. not only looking for blogs to read but i kept staring at my blog thinking what to write.. hehe..Finally Ellana updated her blog.. its almost like waiting for a new season of a tv series.. u just cant wait to know what gonna go on in Ellana blog next.. haha! it really is a good read all the time.. ;) i think so far.. ellana's and juan's blogs are the only ones i read..and the rest just stop updating along time ago!

Anyways.. the Asian Cultural Night is this coming saturday!! i never imagined myself being part of ACS in my entire university life.. and here was i .. having the privilegde to design the ACS charity night banner!! that was really fun..this whole design thing started ever since ACS planned its carnival which is coming up in august!! and.. YES..acs this year is a charity night alright.. =D not to mention i also helped with the ticket selling! heh heh.. i kno its jUSt ticket selling ..big deal.. but then.. ticket selling can really be a real hastle.. seriusly.. we must really make sure that we PICH(is that the word?) well in order to sell the tickets.. phew.. its HARDWORK and sweat!

Btws.. guess wat.. little miss me who sweared not to wear saree ever again in her life after her sister's wedding decided to wear saree for acs..haha! i kno.. joke of the century.... well.. when i went back last weekend.. i told my mom to tie me the saree..just wanted to see how i felt and looked.. i didnt want the ghujerati style because it really makes me uncomfortable .. so my mom tied me the normal one.. which you can see on my fb dp.. it looks great right?? SS*

the thing is.. for the rest.. its like the last acs night for them.. vani, kavi, kalps,preet, ros, nit, lucky and so on..so all of them wanted to wear saree.. and it would be a bummer if i was the only who didnt wear .. and i was still sticking to wearing a punjabi suit until i saw myself in the saree..again.. ;))) ..

i tried tying the saree today.. to my dissapointment.. i forgot how to tie after gruelling my mom to teach me how to.. =.= .. looks like i need help .. and that i need to expose my tummy to someone..~~
oh well.. *breaths*

anyways.. hope to have a great ACS night this year!! also not forgetting a quiz and a midterm next week..Sighs...

crazy thought

2011-07-08T10:51:00.000-07:00

a crazy thought just came into my mine..

i wanna fall in love not tell anyone about it and elope ..

hahahaha!

yes.. crazy thought.. =p

Hellos and Goodbyes

2011-06-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

Had Ps Nicky's farewell today.. Thank you Jesus that everything went smoothly just that the service continued on for more than 2 hours rather then the usual one and half hour..

Finalizing the video was just an awesome feeling.. slept at 5am after watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother..hehe.. Sometimes, u just have an awesome idea in your head and u soo badly wanna implement it u just wouldnt mind spending alot of time doing it..even if it means being tired and sleeping late then getting up with dark circles.. ;)

Honestly.. today was pretty sad.. i never felt such an attachment towards a person.. felt really sad.. really really sad.. Ps Nicky.. he was indeed as sharon said "An anchor of joy, love and encouragement". I cant help but feel why didnt i realise this sooner.. i've taken this person for granted and never appreciated it until now that he's leaving us..

But also.. I am aware that God has a greater plan for him.. Pursuing his theology masters would only take him further in doing God's works. So would love to bid farewell to him with a joyful heart. =)

One and half years just flew by so fast.. i even thought i would be serving this church till the end when i graduate. Always having this support system going..can't help but to wish there was more time.. I was pretty surpriced when i choked and tears were almost in my eyes when we were all singing "Kenangan Terindah". I could tell that Ps Nicky almost in tears as well.. it was a surprice after all!! hehe!!

Then again, while we all just fellowshipping and taking photoshooting.. oh yes.. i was enjoying myself with Ray's dslr.. its such an awesome camera! learnt more about dslr from Ray today.. and i cant believe i took some pretty awesome shots myself! Owwwkay.. coming back.. while we were all just fellowshipping and photoshooting.. "Oceans will part" starting playing on the deskstop.. all of a sudden i just had a reminences of the whole place.. i saw the keyboard, the drums, the guitar.. and i thought: " we are no longer gonna jam here anymore, spending time with each other and singing God's songs.. fellowshipping.. carecells every thursday.. the pizza night we had.. our very first amazing race.. worship leading..."

We had a family here.. and i just hope we'll all stick together in Church Of Praise as well as a new family..=)

Well.. Pastor Nicky who loves Nike brand so much..

hope YOU always remember us

with the Nike Arsenal T-shirt we all got you

and a blessed farewell ..

dear friend and father figure..

2011-06-26T01:30:00.000-07:00

My very existence is to prove you people wrong..

"updating"

2011-06-25T04:09:00.000-07:00

Im trying to keep my blog updated as how i use to update it.. but it feel rather weird to do so.. because all of a sudden im like "How do u keep updating your blog again??" *scratcher head*. I absolutely feel like one of those who have a blog for fun and not actualy utilise it to the fullest! but i ofcourse i dont.. i want to update it..but...

Just like the other day.. i was typing something into my blog before ganesan and kesh came knocking on my window.. then i proceeded to talk to them.. we were talking for like 20mins and then i sat down back to continue typing only to not remember what i wanted to talk about in the 1st.. so the post is left hanging.. to be honest i have a few other post which are like that too.. =/

Anyways.. as to keeping an "updated blog".. My dear friend and Pastor Nicky Ling will be leaving us to pursue his Masters in Theology. He'll be going to very far away Singapore.. =_( We were pretty bummed up about it when he suddenly dropped the "bomb" on us.. even worst news came when we knew the landlord of the building our church is renting wants to retake the building.. =(

Of course we didnt want pastor to leave.. of course we didnt want the church to close.. of course we prayed.. Apparently.. the MAN up there has a different plan for us.. and as time passed we learnt to accept it.. We will be attending Church Of Praise, Kampar starting July.. our new Home..

Kinda felt like an outsider when we or may when i first went.. but i guess.. we will get use to it.. and I so freaking love the pastor there.. Pastor Elijah.. to hear his powerful message..its truly mind blowing..!!

Moving on, we are going to have a farewell party for Pastor Nicky this coming Sunday. ^^ We are going to have a potluck.. we designed our own piece of scrap for his scrapbook.. and there will be a video presentation(im incharge if this =)... hope to do a mind blowing one ^^ ) and also we are going to perform two songs! "Count On Me" by Bruno darling.. and "Kenangan Terindah" by Samson.

I just hope he tears up! haha.. ow.. i just realised.. tomoro is Sunday! so its not this coming Sunday anymore..!! Okay got to chaw!! have a great idea for the video.. !!

i really feel like..

2011-06-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

i really feel like going to a mountain top and scream my lungs out

i really feel like getting a good ol' cup of hot chocolate

i really feel like eating a really delicious well proportioned with my favourite flavours of Buskin Robins ice cream

i really feel like falling in love

i really feel like holding someone's hand

i really feel like laughing my heart out

i really feel like crying

i really feel like having a nice long deep sleep

i really feel like studying now

i really feel like hearing God's voice

i really feel like loving someone with all my heart

i really feel like doing something that makes me feel alive

i really feel like dancing

i really feel like singing

i really feel like a hypocrite

i really feel like travelling the world

i really feel like working

i really feel like being special

i really feel like being taller

i really feel like being prettier

honest.. i really feel like doing nothing.. =p

The girl has gone "kuku" so pardon her for her kuku-ness...hehe =p!

Photography ♥

2011-06-17T04:44:00.000-07:00

Im totally in love with photography!

still an amateur and i still take pictures with my E72.. hehe..

not self-taken pictures la.. but real photography..

waiting for my DSLR for 3months now..

its suppose to be my 21st birthday gift from my parents..

i didnt ask for anything else.. i sacrificed my 21st birthday party for it..

still waiting mum.dad..*anticipated face*

Anyways..these are some beautiful innovative photographies..

fish in a lightbulb

Refraction

im glad!

2011-06-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

u kno what im just glad today^^
im glad im not fat neither am i thin.. atleast i dun hv anyone calling me anorexic or bulimic.. or
having to be weak or fainting every once in awhile.. but some how rather the guys just dig all of this..=p
im glad that i learn not to give up
im glad that im a strong willed person
im glad that im small but brave
im glad that im wise beyond my age.. atleast i dont make stupid decision that i regret
im glad that i learnt to recognise my God given talent... all glory back to Him ..
im glad to have such wonderful parents..
im glad to have a niece!
im glad to have great sisters.. though one of them is always a pain.. but sisters.. we fight ..but the next moment.. v'd throw ourselves infront of the bus for each other
im glad to have all this wonderful friends God has colored my life with..

im glad that i decided to go to Church of Praise service today.

eventhough it would mean attending 2 services this week including sundays

on top of it all..

im glad that i kno this amazing person called Jesus Christ.. who has so magnificently light up my once upon a time dark life..

im glad that He light up my dimmed paths

im glad He always picks me up each time i fall ..

im glad He is always there to light the way and also show me the way when all else fails..

im glad learn to lean on Him in times of weakness..

im glad to know that all things are possible in His name

im glad that i dont have to scared of anything because He will give me wisdom to guard my heart and my mind

im glad to know that i can do all things through Him who gives me strength

im glad to know that He wouldnt abandon me in time when i need Him..

and yes Lord im making myself available for your works.. just SURRENDERING to You..

weighed down =)

2011-06-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

Im trying to think of sumthing inspiring to write.. but i just cant think of any!! its weird.. i use to have so much to write but then.. now.. i just dont.. its like as if my mind and heart is blocked.

to be honest.. the past few month have been really tough.. confusing.. unasuring.. and.. SCARY..

the last thing anybody would want is doubt in whatever course their doing.. because its something that is going to effect the rest of your life.. and I HAD THAT DOUBT.. i never thought i have to go through this road.. All of a sudden when i saw what i studied... it felt like if i was dyslexic.. i just couldnt understand.. everything was just jumbled up.. my brain felt constantly clogged as i couln't take in anymore.. stress and pressure settling in.. overly fatigue.. and that time i just wanted to quit and do something easier or im better at.. just leave engineering.. and take a chance at art and design.. sumthing that my brain could comprehend more compared to formula and complicated networks screwing around my brain..

I knew i needed to talk to someone.. but who? felt like God had abandoned me.. because i wasnt getting any assurance from Him.. it was upsetting..

back then.. even my parent didnt understand what i was going.. the amount of pressure i was in..i couldnt blame them because money WAS an issue.. i go to class hoping i could grab on to something..something which i could understand.. but it was just getting tougher and tougher..

However.. deep down .. i know God wouldnt leave me..i found my assurance from a sister from church.. i received a message from her saying

"You may not know where tomorows road may lead.. but hold on to Gods hands.. "

its such a beautiful verse..

and again.. from a christian lecturer.. whom also encouraged me to continue even if i had the interest in it.. and i caught myself thinking.. : "hey.. i didnt go through my foundation years.. working so hard in maths and physics without interest? i knew what i was coming into.. and i made the effort to do well.. ofcourse God's wisdom and understanding was also part of it.. its a testimony of a lifetime.. of how much God had helped me!" Somehow rather.. i found the courage to continue.. and the lecturer was kind enough to offer me a prayer..

i manage to find my focus before finals.. but coursework marks of a few subjects were quite dissapoiting.. plus finals was really really tough.. and i thought ...this is it.. i have to change course before i suffer down this road..

but..as i prayed.. God showed me that i wasnt close to him and that was why i was having all of these fears and doubts.. i continued to pray.. whatever God's will for me.. i would accept it positively.. This time, my parents were soo understanding.. because they understood and they didnt want to see me suffering as well and i honestly felt the love and care they had for me which i selfishly thought it wasnt there.. with much hope they told me if i could just try out another one more semester..

Surprising.. my heart was at peace when i said "yes" .. its true i wasnt close to Him.. its almost like as if.. i prayed onli when i needed Him but then again.. i would let the pressure built on on me.. where was my faith which i used to proudly display..? where was my trust ..? where was my foundation layed on?

i refocused.. and i truely thank God for the people in my life.. the lecturer who helped me to sort out my subjects for the next a year and a half .. properly planned my subjects in the future.. i desire to finish it..! and also to conquer it..! God's way is slow but We are made overcomers.. we are weak but we are strong in Him.. we are poor but we are rich in Him.. and "He will make us the head and not the tail" and because "I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me.. " =)

Yes.. this was what i went through the pass few months.. just wanted to share.. i truely learnt to "Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.. and to acknowledge Him in all my ways for He will make my path straight" . Please keep me in prayer.. all you wonderful souls out there.. amen..

Ps: hope this was inpiring.. =p ;-)

2011-05-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

nowadays im doing a lot of things dat i never thought i could see myself doing few years back.. i believe its a good thing..just another side of me which i never knew existed i guess..

i think its just a moment at this ONE time .. where u just feel like letting yourself go and be free and just enjoy the moment of having 'no one can stop me' feeling .. let loose and just enjoy urself..

but.. also i think sometimes.. at some point in your life.. something just happens and you just wanna change. This, i feel is bad.. because it definately can cause you to travel down an unpleasant road.. in which sometimes you will just get lost in forever.. or some at some point you'll realise that.."hey wat the hell am i doin?" and decide to change your life for the better good..

2011-05-19T10:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i can be such a perasan case.. hoping my life would be as if something that would turn out like in the movies.. apparently.. i think too much.. and 'my life would be as if something that would turn out like in the movies' aint happening.. and i say that with a joking face! =p

WE are completely different people living different lives.. we think differently and i may understand you but you understanding me is going to be a difficult process.

Hence, being in a relationship is kinda phobic to me for some reason. The fear of never being able to find someone who could comprehend me or willing to put up with me or take care or understand the fragile sensitive person that I am or keep up with the depth of my thoughts and speech.

JUST TRUST GOD YOU SAY??

who am i?

2011-05-18T06:36:00.003-07:00

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
Cause I am yours..
I am yours..

..::WHO am I? i know now.. =)

why?

2011-05-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

why am i NOT those who can just go with the flow... and doesnt bother about what anybody say or do?

the truth is..
how much i dont bother..
the more bothered i become...

=/

today my life begins^^

2011-05-01T02:51:00.000-07:00

I've been working hard so long

Seems like pain has been my only friend

My fragile heart's been done so wrong

I wondered if I'd ever heal again

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin'

I know I can make it, today my life begins

Yesterday has come and gone

And I've learnt how to leave it where it is

And I see that I was wrong

For ever doubting I could win

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/bruno_mars/today_my_life_begins.html ]

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know I can make it, today my life begins

Life's too short to have regrets

So I'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget

Only have one life to live

So you better make the best of it

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know I can make it, today my life begins

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know I can make it, today my life begins

Today my life begins...

-BRUNO MARS-TODAY MY LIFE BEGINS

today is such a depressing day.. =(

2011-04-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

Hey there.. its been quite some time since i wrote anything here.. or in my tumblr.. just got bored for awhile.. was kinda doing some real writing instead. hm.. yes today is a depressing day.. why?? well.. finals finally started... and it didnt start well.. i had tcp/ip internetworking finals today.. and it was hard.. i was preparing for it for a week.. and its kinda depressing to say that i didnt prepare well enough.. i thought i had it all covered but there i was.. looking at the 1st question blankly..wondering how in the world to answer it.. and when i discovered i could figure out the 1st question.. i panicked.

Somehow rather got myself togather.. and completed as much as i could as i was also running out of time.. and then another depressing thing happend. Well, kampar had a mini flood a few days ago.. as exciting as it was.. i found a kitten shivering and stuck inside an upside down rubbish bin.. decided to save it.. im a sucker for small, cute, furry animals.. and this was a kitten.. imagine the compassion i was feeling.. vanez, chris and i took it home, gave it a bath and fed it and prayed for it before letting it go again. For the next few days it was still roaming around my house.. making sound but i couldnt find it..so i bought a ikan bilis bun for it, broke it to pieces and left it outside the house.. hoping it would eat..

then today came, and i didnt hearing it meawing anymore.. i thought it had finally went away.. little did i know .. i would find it dead outside my house.. initially i thought it was sleeping .. but then i noticed the ants around it and knew it had died.

felt a huge burden in my heart.. it was really heartbreaking.. took me back to the times when i was small.. where i had saved this kitten and my grandmother would chase it away.. and one day i saw the same kitten died behind my house and blamed my grandma for its death and i called her the "cat murderer.

as u can see.. its pretty depressing.. feel like God is testing my emotions or something.. just feel like as if just when i had start to pick up all the courage to move on with my course(long story../) then again i feel like im stuck in another ball of confusion.. and then to see this kitten die kinda added the oil into the fire.. why didnt He protect the kitten??? or was it my fault? i didnt take care of it enough.. ?? didnt i pray hard enough?? if only i had looked out for it. =(

Maybe for most.. its not a big deal.. but it is to me.. feeling really sad.. cant shake it off.. just thought of writing.. to let some of the burden go.. RIP dear kitty.. im sorry for not taking care of u well enough...... as much as ppl hope that there are heaven for dogs.. i hope there is a heaven for kittens as well....

she looked into the mirror..

2011-02-25T20:31:00.000-08:00

she looked into the mirror

she saw a girl with a big forhead

she looked into the mirror..
she saw a girl with glasses hiding the dark circles under her eyes
she looked into the mirror..
she saw a girl whose trying to hide the pimple of her face.
she looked into the mirror..
she saw a whose eyes filled with loneliness..
she looked into the mirror..
she saw a girl who dare to dream big dream but unable to achieve them
she looked into the mirror
she saw a girl who is fearful of what is ahead of her
she looked into the mirror
she saw a girl's hands with gaps in between, wondering who will fill in those gaps
she looked into the mirror
she saw a girl with the most imperfect body with a little muffin top
she looked into the mirror
she saw a short girl who is so insecure with herself
she looked into the mirror
she saw a girl who wonders where her future may be..
she looked into the mirror
she saw a girl who still believes there is hope when she believes in the true living God. =)

-NiMrodKor3n-

ps: wrote this when i was pretty down with myself.. but with dat little faith.. it relieved me from my all my pain^^

You're all i want ..all i need.. You're everything..

2011-02-19T05:16:00.000-08:00

Find me here.. speak to me..

I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than
this
You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You still my heart, and you take my breath away
Would you take me in take me deeper now
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than
this
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than
this
Cause you're all I want,
You're all I need
You're everything... everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything... everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything... everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything... everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than
this
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better any
better than this
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than
this
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

My chains are gone

2011-02-16T20:59:00.000-08:00

♥

My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love,
Amazing grace

♥
♥
♥
♥
♥

2011-02-15T10:38:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wonder why am i not like those girls who are just born beautiful...

jabbed by tumblr ♥

2011-02-06T08:14:00.000-08:00

Vanezsha Voodoo asked: Shawty! Did someone jab you with this??? Hahaha! XD

yes people.. finally i have tumblr.. just thought today was a good day to sign up for tumblr. haha! i g2 say.. i was so LOST! dont know what and where is what. phew.. but yea.. got the hang of it eventually ;) . for anyone who has tumblr add me up ya -->mytumblr

aku emo!! =p

2011-02-04T21:07:00.000-08:00

lol.. i've been emoing the pass few days.. i kinda find myself not being able to write anything inspiring or worth reading.. and talk about a awefully.. lonely CNY..=(

1st. i did nothing!
2nd. didnt plan anything because i didnt think i had to.
3rd. had that one good thursday which i wished it was everyday
4th. didnt get to see my parents at all this one week! not once! =(
5th. bro in law got sick.. cudnt go out much =/
6th. my this sem's timetable is kinda screwed up
7th. the fact that im doing nothing is making me feel useless!
8th. lazyness strikes
9th i killed a roach in my sleep (this is something.. =p)
10th my lonely departure at klsentral.. =_(

thus .. the cause to all my emo-ness.. and im being very very sensitive.. every little thing seem be a tear jerker to me.. i find myself telling my sad, lonely CNY stories to total strangers.. =/ its a little funny when i think about it.. hehe.. anyways.. will be leaving to kampar today.. with a heavy heart as usual.. even heavier this time since its didnt feel like a totally worthy holiday..not sure why.. but it seems kampar is no longer a place i look forward to going back to ..em..

Plain Jane

2011-02-03T23:21:00.000-08:00

Probably one of the worst CNY hols.. bcause all i did was being at my sister's place and doing nothing.. =.= .. apart from going to midvalley and meeting up gaya, vani, and g and watching GreenHornet!!! it was that one day which i wish was everyday.. haha.. shopped for a pencilbox at tropica life..^^ hehe.. and speaking of GreenHornet.. it was freakin hilarious!!!! i couldnt stop laughing the whole time..!! and for the 1st time i actually thought seth rogen looked hansome..=D

oh yes.. thy might be wondering why the "Plain Jane" title..? it was a reality show on MTV.. honestly i thought it was a very good show.. the show is about a plain jane joining the show because she wants to do thing that she nvr had a courage or confidence to do because she is a plain jane. Well.. it was the 1st time im watching it.. the episode i watched was about a plain jane going on a date with her best friend whom she had a crush on for 6 years since college..he was a hansome, charming, smart lad.. =) i dont know why..but i was really feeling this girl..

moving on.. i thought the show really showed a good way to build up the girl's confidence.. 1st-overcoming her fears in her case was snail.. showing her that is she can overcome her worst fears then asking her guy out on a date wouldnt be a big deal. =) , 2nd- how to get a guy's number while walking your dog , 3rd- burlesque! and 4th- a make over!!

the whole thing was soo sweet.. the guy was called to go on a blind date not knowing that it was his best friend he's going to meet.. and then she comes.. ;) shocking.. but they move on with the date.. then the girl tells her feelings to her best friend of 6 years.. and turns out.. the guy had a crush on her too during college and still does but they just nvr told each other! haha! wow.. i just felt the whole thing was so genuine.. sweet..a fairytale..

Well... the fact dat i was really feeling this girl was because.. partly i felt like i was a plain jane myself.. lack of confidence..terrified of being in a relationship.. and even if i did have a crush on someone..ut is not the right one.. plus i'd rather keep it to myself then drawing any attention to myself.. i may not look like it.. but i probably am a certified plain jane.. =p

true colors ♥

2011-01-31T11:43:00.000-08:00

♥

You with the sad eyes

don't be discouraged

oh I realize

it's hard to take courage

in a world full of people

you can lose sight of it all

and the darkness inside you

can make you fell so small

But I see your true colors

shining through

I see your true colors

and that's why I love you

so don't be afraid to let them show

your true colors

true colors are beautiful

like a rainbow

Show me a smile then

don't be unhappy, can't remember

when I last saw you laughing

if this world makes you crazy

and you've taken all you can bear

you call me up

because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors

shining through

I see your true colors

and that's why I love you

so don't be afraid to let them show

your true colors

true colors are beautiful

like a rainbow

♥

Absolutely got nothing to do with my previous.. just heard the song in one of the American Idol auditions. Just simply enjoy a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics.

exploding!

2011-01-31T11:18:00.000-08:00

3am now.. just wanted to peek into my blog and write.. ^^... hehehe..my last post was pretty depressing.. one ball of emotions just pouring through.. mostly dissapointment, anger, frustration.. couldnt help it.. just had to let it out as i was exploding from the inside.. things which i wanted to say to the people if i had a chance to confront them.. its a rare side of me.. to confront people.. usually i'd brush it off.. but sometimes.. there's a dynamite in me.. u tick it off.. its definately gonna explode..hm.. lets see.. the last time i actually confronted someone.. bad words were flying all over .. haha.. left the person speechless..well.. im not as scary as i sound k.. just sometimes.. kecik kecik chli padi ya..

the thing about me is.. i just hate people who acts like as if you're his/ her best friend. seeks ur advise and then just be stupid not to respect the advise given knowing that the advise is the right thing to do..

lately, men.. these are the specimens that irritate me the most.. i had nothing against them until now.. just find men being such hypocrites. They are always confused.. they think they can get any woman they want..they tHink they can do anything they want.. and women will all just fall on their feet and worship them.. they act like your the most important in the world.. just to crush it by the end of the day.. i find them weak.. disrespectful.. cowardy.. dishonest.. stupid in most cases.. and discusting!

i dont know why.. pardon me for being a sexist here.. because its kinda ironic that lately.. the people who came across as such utter dissapointments were mainly MEN. Are they finally showing us their true colors??

to be honest im just angry..

its been awhile..

just hoping that time will dissolve the anger..

i just want things to be back to normal.

PS: feel like im being soo cheesy.. so hate the drama.. its pathetic.. =/

drama?? seriusly,,?? ~~

2011-01-29T11:27:00.000-08:00

hullo.. how do u do?? =p LoL! oh well.. probably the 100th time i bump into my own blog and wondered wether i wanted to write anything or not.. but then today i guess why not?

alot of things happened lately.. too much drama going on.. everyWHERE!! literally!! thank god for the CNY holidays.. glad to have not to see some faces for a week.. no offence if you are reading my blog when i post this and if u realise that its actuallly you.. yes you.. the one whose eating the chilli and feeling the pedas-ness of it all..

1#you

like i mentioned.. DRAMA! never thought i'd ever had to come across the word or rather use in when it came to my totally vain life.. lost of trust and respect .. not sure wether to trust the person again.. you were such a close friend.. but im sad to say.. i've completely lost you.. or perhaps you have lost me.. the lost of trust and respect is so deep.. i tried my best to see a way around it.. but i just cant find myself seeing as you as the person whom i thought i knew.. and i just cant stand your kiss ass-ing either!!

2# you

well.. there are many more.. right now.. i just wanna focus on whats more important.. i just dont care anymore.. about anything.. whether is it my old flame.. some guy who calls me his close friend eventhough we never met! =/ up till now.. i still question his loyalty to this so called friendship in which he labelled me as his close friend.. ~.~ .. my moto.. never trust a person until u have met them and got to know them in person.. so yea.. simply said.. to you.. i still DONT TRUST YOU!

3#you

you.. plz dont expect me to miss you all the time and then call you and talk to you.. do u think im dat weak?? the past had always been in the past for me.. unless u think otherwise.. just quit your ego will ya... coz i aint gonna come kissing your ass... if u think i would.. well.. think again..! i have a life too ! i realise wat my focus's are and its no longer you and nvr was and nvr will.. so dont perasan.. and yes you have changed .. ALOT..

you use to be kind and compasionate..now i realise maybe because you had feelings for me so dats why you had to bring out your goody goody side.. sighs.. if u feel any changes in me.. well.. its not me.. its because of you... you can do whatever you want with your life..

tip: drink and get wasted.. =.=

4#you

you are too close minded.. cant take it.. sighs.. been nice to you all the time.. thought of you as a sibling.. respected you because you were a simple minded person.. but perhaps too simple minded.. i can only say sorry for something that had been a habit to me but to you as an offence to a certain limit.. when someone say "its all good.. i was just playin with you" but then giving me the cold shoulder is like "wat the hell??" to me.. well not holding any grudges.. but seriously .. im gonna be just fine.. whatever it maybe.. because i just dont give a damn =)

thats it i guess for all the "you"s .. haha.. YOU must be wondering.. "who in the world is this girl??" i know i dont usually talk about anyone.. but honestly.. i dont think anyone cares either.. and i dont care too.. its my blog and i can write watever i want.. if u rasa pedas than its just too bad.. i just had enough of putting a smile on everybody's faces but none to puts one on mine.. ~~

had a great talk with a church friend the other day.. and i realised alot of things.. more of a revelation.. amidst of busy putting smile on total A-holes.. i forgot about my one footstool.. my rock.. my redeemer.. my refuge.. my one best friend who has nvr let me down.. not even once but who has always kept his promise to me .. stayed true.. guided me .. my sweet Jesus.. The world.. it has changed me.. i admit that..

im telling you guys right now.. Jesus saves.. He is your one way ticket to heaven and eternal life.. you believe in Him.. you will be strong.. you will be rich.. and no harm will come upon you.. not even the devil can come near you.. infact.. no one can..

Right now.. you may be too busy thinking about chanel dresses and louis voutton shoes or how to pick up this girl or how to satisfy this man meat of mine.. its all a waste of time .. how long does a prayer take?? spend the time doing dat.. you'll find the peace you desire deep.. way deep in your heart.. which you only realise when you need it when your depressed or watever la.. and thats onli when you think about God right.. sighs.. pathetic.. like i said.. the world .. it changes you.. but you shouldnt let it.. You must set a firm foundation..

"the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" ..

i read that a couple of days back.. and its still stuck to my head.. and i was reminded of it again on fb on a friend's wall post..

fear the Lord..

YOU do not want to learn it the hard way..

peace out ..<3

WHY I HATE PERIODS! via sasi rekha ravi from tumblr^^

2011-01-03T08:47:00.000-08:00

You have no idea when it’s gonna fucking strike. You could wake up with the red sea in your panties. Or have a spot going on at school.
IT RUINS YOUR PRETTY PANTIES.
Pads and tampons aren’t things I really wanna wear.
Taking a shit is disgusting.
CRAMPS HURT LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER.
I get moody.
I hate sneezing on my period.
I hate going pee because blood is everywhere.
It smells hella gross.
It is the longest 7 days of my life.
Its when you’re most horny .

haha! my 1st posting of 2011!!! .. and its about period.. okay.. this wasnt me writing k.. found in in tumblr and before that sasi posted this on fb.. found it pretty damn hilarious.. especially the red ones.. and it is true..well..most of it la.. =p ;)

Spoilers!!

2010-12-22T10:46:00.000-08:00

the so not much awaited spoilers.. dont know why i called it the spoilers .. but im sure some of you'll must hv watched some of the movies.. well.. i think im just gonna talk about some reviews.. im not soo busy anyways and i realise i keep saying that "im not so busy" =p ! well.. its true.. i AM not so busy.. u must be getting annoyed by now.. hehehehehehe..

oh yes.. lots and lots of movies!!

Rapunzel or Tangled.
okay.. the 1st i watched was Rapunzel.. it was a cam copy which i got from satheesh... it was clear but the voices werent clear.. felt i was cheated.. anyways i told him not to ever download anything which is written "cam" over it! anyways ...the movie.. haaaa.. what can i say.. i am always a softy for fairytails.. it was touching and it made me cry too.. im sure all of us are familiar with the story of rapunzel.. the evil witch who kidnaps the baby princess for her magic hair which has the ability to heal and to keep the evil witch young and nvr grow old. and ofcoz the poor princess was locked away and nvr knew she was a princess until she was rescued by a hansome thief and was shown her the world and the thief falls in love and the truth is revealed.. and evil witch is killed and she is taken back to the king and queen and they all live happily ever after.. well ITS BETTER TO WATCH IT K! so go watch it... the hero lookss soo cute! well.. the part i like about all fairytales are not onli the happily ever after endings.. but the story actually.. about how each fairytale having this hidden meaning to it all.. i read sumwhere.. im guessing it was one of juan's tumblr post about wat each fairytale means..

yeap.. got it from Juan...^^ .......beautiful and sweet isnt it??

The Social Network

Moving on.. wow.. i really enjoyed this one.. the story of how facebook came to be.. facebook was a result of a Harvard's computer genius's past time .. like seriusly.. he's a genius! Mark Zuckerberg.. can u imagine? without him there wont be cityville??? i really cant imagine that.. not to mention.. yes! the social networking..its gonna be a social suicide if there's no facebook! whichever moron minister who wishes to ban facebook.. he better watch it..haha! as it is they are banning p2p downloads.. but please.. not facebook.. Well anyways.. back to the story.. Mark Zuckerberg actually had to face law suits for creating Facebook before becoming the yougest billionaire in the world.. amazing guy.. seriusly..

Despicable Me

Then, i watched Despicable Me.. its really a cute animation .. about this mad inventor/ thief who adopts 3 little girls whome will eventually melt his heart and changes his personality.. this was a tear jerker too.. not to mention one of the 3 little ones are sooo freakin adorable!! u'll know who once u watch it..

Scott Pilgrim vs The World

This movie was quite a weird.. i honestly didnt understand it at the beginning.. but slowly got the hang of it.. there was a few eliments that was involved in it.. it was intresting with the videogame/ sitcome -ish genre involved.. it was more of a man fighting for his love but instead of fighting normally he'll be fighting them like how u see in those VS games.. with KOs and stuff.. pretty cool.. ^^

Devil

This m.night shamalan was pretty creeppy.. especially if ur alone.. in ur room.. with the lights off.. and ur watching a horror movie.. creepy..!! this wasnt really the typical m.night movie..there was the suspense and all.. but it wasnt like the 6th sense..the signs or the village like.. it was different but it was also intresting .. its all about the elevator.. the 5 ppl in it.. in which where the elevator gets stuck for no reason and one by one in the elevator gets killed..! We will know that its the devil's work.. but with a reason.. all of those in the elevator have commiter a crime in which they nvr own up to but eventually only one will survive because he confessed his mistakes.. and the devil will leave him.. wat was interesting bout this movie was.. it tells us that if there is a devil .. there is also a God.. devil takes lives.. but God forgives.. so m.night shamalan.. hats off to u.. =)

Charlie st Cloud

i absolutely adored this movie..it was sad and touching.. but with a happy ending.. Zack Efron stars in it.. and Zack's smile.. his eyes.. especially when he cries.. my goodness.. u will just feel so sorry for him..i would say.. just forget the High School Musical Zack Efron and just focus on him as Charlie st Cloud. Well.. in this movie.. charlie will loose his little brother in a car accident.. and ever since the accident he is able to see ghosts.. and he always sees his little brother's ghost.. and he misses out on everything in his life just to keep the promise he made to his brother before his death... that is until a girl comes into the picture.. but it only gets even more interesting after that.. so yea.. dont wanna give too much spoilers.. haha go watch it.. really a beautiful story..

There was a whole other bunch of movies i've also downloaded and watched like.. Going the Distance which is about having long distance relationship and the commitment one should have.. then The Legend of the Guardians...oo.. i really liked this one.. a must watch too.. somewhat a warrior side to owls.. was really nice .. and then i watched The Diary Of a Whimpy kid .. downloaded Nightmare on Elm Street.. Jonah Hex

.. all yet to watch.. and finally had a rewatch of The Pirates of the Carribean series! Captain Jack Sparrow!!! haha.. cant wait for the 4th installation next year! ;)

so then, that would be all from me today.. astala vista babey!

the epidemic of VAIN-ess.. =)

2010-12-20T11:26:00.000-08:00

well.. christmas is near.. i'm sorry to say that i've not been letting myself get busy..there's nothing much anyways.. since there is no open house this year because all of us are going for a family vacation!!! excited to go Bukit Tinggi.. nvr been there in the 1st place.. ask around and people said it had nice scenery and such but not a fun place or watsoever.. so i decided to check it out myself.. how else.. i googled it ! ;)

the place is a beauty.. those french designed buildings and structure .. i honestly thought it was more like kingdom like how u see on tv.. like when horsemen ride into a kingdom.. there are houses and people and then at the far there is the castle.. *imagining this*. well.. it did look like that..hehe ..anyways.. that would be my vacation.. and i pray that it'll be a good one.. =)

lets talk about christmas.. i think im gonna complain more than talking about something meaningful or touchy... well.. the preps hv not been going to well.. im soo soo sooooo lazy.. i've no idea why.. not much of an inspiration coming along.. mum's working..dad's working.. sisters are working.. been a funeral last sunday.. and granny refuses to celebrate christmas with any of her children and she wants to hv a quiet christmas since her sister just passed away.. so everything is a bit depressing and the rain is not helping either ! and i hv this laziness spree going on and its not helping me get things done and its driving my mom off the walls! and that is irritating me as well.. and im surpriced that im not bothered.. honestly.. im all alone in the house.. feels kinda lonely.. and i just dont feel like doing anything.. gaaahhhrr..

in the midst of it all.. i still hv time to cityville evry freakin hour and also complain about how i wish my laptop could read my mind or maybe had a voice control feature where i just speak and it types.. haha.. well there ae such laptops and its for the partially impaired people.. i am not partially impaired am i?? im abit kuku-fied.. so just bear with me..

and so.. im also on my sem break.. and its for a month!! soo weeezingly happy! and obviously there are the movie marathons.. downloaded so many awesome movies.. and since im soo not busy.. i'd like to entertain you with some spoilers!! wakakaka!!

ps: if u dont wan any spoilers.. easy ..just dont read my next post! ;)

m still here!

2010-12-10T08:17:00.000-08:00

hey der!! LOL.. i kno i've been out for quite a while.. and will be a while longer more.. just drop by to inform dat i was still alive ..not dat anyone cares.. but yea.. im ALIVE! just not in da bloggin mood.. and im taking a brek from any form of distraction at the moment.. kind of angry at the moment too.. i kindda understand now how it feels to hate a guy!

Do not wish to talk about it.. because words will be 18ssxxx.. oh well.. hope to start blogging after finals.. i kindda doubt dat too. haha! k then .take care ppl!!

Falling Stars

2010-11-16T19:41:00.000-08:00

This is such a heartbreaker!! lovin this new song from david archuleta !

Got it from my cuzin brother's fb profile.. hehe..

><>

when you forget me
and you don't remember my name
not even a memory
somewhere in the back of your brain
i won't be offended
cus i always knew that the day would come and
be not enough to make you stay

you tell me it's not possible
no way that we could break
but nothing is illogical
believe me
like falling stars over your head
we were bound to burn up alive
crashing cars cause
i'll never get over you
cause you are so
beautiful
yeah

the world is turning
and time keeps on lingering on
the sun will be burning
eventually you will be gone
i'll always love you
ohh
believe it or not
baby thats not enough to,
not enough to stop these

falling stars over your head

we were bound to burn up alive
crashing cars
i'll never get over you
never over you cause
you are so
beautiful
yeah

when its all said and done
i'll be just a spec in a galaxy
floating further away by gravity

you tell me its impossible
no way that we can break...
like falling stars....
like crashing cars
like falling stars over your head
we were bound to burn up just like
crashing cars
i'll never get over you
never over you
cause you are
so
beautiful

you are so beautiful
yeah

ugly betty, losses and thoughts

2010-11-16T11:36:00.000-08:00

hm.. just finished watching the last season of ugly betty!! i must say.. it was a nice ending.. ^^ liked it alot.. and absolutely loved wilhelmina slater's character! aww.. eventhough she was like a crazy evil person but then i really really enjoyed watching the show mainly for her and also to see how ugly betty turn into the beautiful swan.. =) its alright.. we can see wilhelmina's transition to desperate housewives anyways.. but nothing can beat the WILHELMINA SLATER character.. it was the bomb of the show!! gonna miss it..!

oh well anways.. i recently saw one of my facebook friend's profile.. its a girl whom i knew during foundation.. i got to know that her mother passed away .. it was really sad .. her profile pic was with her mother.. her recent status's were about how much we should actually appreciate our moms when they are alive and all... though i never knew this girl really well.. but im sure we could feel her pain wether or not we have experienced the lost ourselves.......

This, honestly made me miss my mother alot.. i feel the urge to constantly call her to hear her voice.. because to me.. my mother really was there for everything.. i mean come on.. i tell her everything that goes on in my life.. she's always there to take care of me and my sisters well beings..to give us the support.. always worrying.. always praying...she is the footstool of the house.. more so like the head of the house.. she takes care of everything.. she is a wonderful mother whom God has truly blessed my family with.. and i wonder what will i ever do without her.. i cant even imagine it..

i remember we had this conversation.. last week when she was sending me to the ktm station.. well.. some we know was planning to settle down 2yers after loosing his wife.. well my mom asked me what do i think about it.. well obviosly i would say its none of my bussiness.. its the person's life... then i guess its his choice.. but honestly i didnt think it was nessesary to remarry since ur alridi older.. i dont know if im being a bit laid back or something.. but then.. yea..

then my mom was kindda shocked with my answer.. because she doesnt mind the man getting married at all.. and then this ticked me off.. she goes on and says: " what if i die.. im not sayin i will.. but im just sayin.. plz let your father remarry if he ever feels lonely" and ultimately my answer was a NO! and i just told her :"NO WAY! i could not even possibly think of someone else in your place! i dont think i could even talk to the woman! and i cant imagine my father doing something like that" i honestly got soo emotional that my face was red.. and i just told my mom to not ever talk about this again...

even as im writing this.. i do feel like soo old school-ish.. but then.. i've started to feel like this remarry thing has become a trend for the older generation.. im not really sure of what to think of it.. it applies differently for different individual.. its diffrent when u make wrong choices and you marry the wrong person and then you go through a divorce and only then you find the love of your life.. its diffrent when your young and your partner dies.. but then there is someone who is willing to love you and changes your life once again..and its also different when you've grown old togather .. you love each other soo much.. and then one of the spouse passes away.. its only natural to feel lonely.. because the love of your life passed away... but why would you remarry another person so that the loneliness goes away??? isnt just living with the memories of your love one good enough to live on by yourself..?? wont you feel like you are betraying the memories you have had with your love one??

im actually feeling a little naive here.. because im still young.. and i honestly feel like i dont know what im talking about.. and here as i write.. im thinking about the movie The Notebook.. a very passionate movie of a couple.. the intensity of the love they both had .. that it still made the man love his dimensia-ed wife.. everyday reading the notebook to her so that she could atleast recall a little bit of the love they both shared and at the end dying at each others arms.. simply a beautiful story.. ofcourse its the movies.. but i truly believe there are such cases in real live...

But then... this is just what i thought about.. and thought of writing it down.. if u hv an opinion bout this.. feel free to comment.. ^^

God bless.. and Goodnite!

im stuck!

2010-11-16T03:40:00.000-08:00

WOW... been some time since i blogged..

oh well.. my last post has been a little dramatic with me wanting to go search for myself and all.. still am.. i just felt like i've lost the focus and i just couldnt blog.. didnt know wat to exactly eventhough there were lots of things going on around me.. like i went for mahes's 21st birthday last saturday... there was this ice-cream eating game and i came in 2nd! haha! then i actually danced for the very 1st time in a function with my frens! i dont know how much of a fool i looked liked actualy because some of them said i was jumping more than dancing.. =.=' oh well.. who cares.. i had tonnes of fun and im hoping they're just kidding since im such a shorty .. heh heh heh...=p

anyways.. that wasnt really wat i wanted to blog about.. just thought of writing whatever that came in my mind.. short semester is as miserable as ever.. with all the pilled assignments to finish... midterms and tests to study... feeling there is too much goin on in soo little time.. but i still have ample time to laze around and snooze around.. too much time in hand is a bad thing too.. because it makes you lazy!! and im LAZY!! guess what i've been doin rather than finishing up my assignments?? i was watching movies.. goin on a ugly betty final season marathon.. animes..and im not praying... gosh.. what is going on with me.. ?????

and u know what happens..?? im all moody.. all this negative thoughts keep pouring in.. feel soo lost.. disturbed... unhappy. emo-ish.. headache.. oh my God.. its weird.. its like im forgetting Him.. what He has done for me.. im soo afraid.. and im always reminding myself.. that God.. He's right there waiting for me to hold his hands so He could lift me up again...

This is a very honest opinion.. what we have become is the choices that we make in life.. there's no one to blame but.. urself.. its up to us to make the right choices and live a good live or make the bad choice and live with the consequences.. ofcourse.. we also have the moment where we learn from our mistakes... So indirectly said.. not all bad choices we make are bad choices.. hehe..

oh well.. im in distraught.. just feel like im stuck in some whirlwind and im finding it difficult to get out simply because im STUCK! Jesus.. save me...

God.. why am i the way that i am??

2010-11-03T11:38:00.000-07:00

naan siritaal deepavali ..hoi!

haha.. !! yea people !! its deepavali!! Goin home today at 9:44am train! home sweet home babey! Cant wait for friday.. go for deepavali visiting.. eating those delicious, mouth watering, rich, splendid indian sweet! paal kua.. jelebi.. kesari.. achimuruku.. murukus..!! who can forget the thosais, capatis , idlis and idiappom with chicken curry and sambar!!! oh my God..! im literally drooling!!

okay enough of the deepavali fever..

oh well.. not really in the mood to blog lately.. having alot of things in my mind which i hv yet to let go of.. aLOT! especially now... i can never understand one thing about myself.. im always envious of somebody... i donno why.. as much as i try to stay positive.. i really donno if anyone would be envious of me???

Despite having the good friends.. the "past" .. great church friends... the life.. the countless blessings.. why lord..? why do i still feel like im missing out on something? i feel sad.. depressed.. angry.. frustrated sometimes.. because honestly.. i AM A LOW SELF ESTEEMED PERSON =( .. im constantly trying to find something good about myself .. something that i like about myself.. so far.. i honestly dont know..

one day.. i am going to face this world.. one day.. the friends dat i have now wont be there anymore to be there by my side to hear me out though i kno one can overcome all things through Christ Jesus.. but yea.. friends.. they too would have their own life to attend too already.. one day.. the people im with now.. wont be with me now forever.. wat will i do? wat will i do??

Alot of things have happened in my life.. i've seen people change.. for the better or for worst.. as for the worst i can only pray that God will save you.. and i definately hope not to be apart of it.. i've constantly had this desire to just travel.. go out all by myself.. not having the independent college life kind of independency but just totally no strings attached.. the real independency.. all by yourself... to travel.. and work wherever possible.. once you've gained anough money then go on the move again.. kinda reminds me of Christopher Mccandless.. if u dont know who he is.. you should definately go find out.. he's a legend and a hero..

i feel like i just need a break..just go out without telling anyone.. go on a spiritual journey... leaving the world aside.. finding me in Him.. Im sure most would say : "why go on the journey when u can find God while prayin in ur room?" =/ oh well.. i reali dont hv the answer to that.. its just a personal thing.. :)

i always had the desire to bald myself.. like seriusly.. oh nO.. i am no britney spears k.. im totally fine with no psycological problems..its just a once in a life time thing which i reali desire to do..

i know my blog has been quite random lately.. not much of an update on a totally vain life which i have...apart from STILL recovering from a very terrible flu, had Pengajian Malaysia xm , got total cake facial for Lacness, Chris, and Mahes's birthday eventhough i tried running awaysoo badly.. played cs with kalai and mahes then kalai taught me how to play Left 4 Dead~~!(becoming a gaming pro now) oh well.. i guess my life isnt exactly the epidemic of vain.. but..

God.. why am i the way that i am??

=/ ...............

Angel ....

2010-11-01T01:28:00.000-07:00

As i was sitting on my desk.. this song just flowed into my mind. Angel by Sarah Mclachlan.. such a beautiful.. beautiful ..beautiful song... click on --> Angel to hear the song =)

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There’s always one reason

To feel not good enough

And it’s hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

Oh beautiful release

Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty

And weightless and maybe

I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You’re in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There’s vultures and thieves at your back

And the storm keeps on twisting

You keep on building the lie

That you make up for all that you lack

It don’t make no difference

Escaping one last time

It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You’re in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort there

You’re in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

cest la vie ..

2010-10-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

.. absolutely miss blogging..

LOL.. anyways.. today kampar had a thunderstorm which was pretty scary 1st coz i hate thunder.. 2nd it felt like as if it was right above my head and 3rd it caused digi not to hv signal .. had to use fbchat to communicate with everyone just so that we can go out as a group for dinner..sighs.. but i guess v hv to thank God for the technology.. hahaha

Had another go of cs today the peeps! wuhoo! vani joined us!!! today cudnt reach my target of 100 but ended up killing 97 ppl instead before suddenly getting disconnected from the server.. nansense!

alot of things has been on my mind.. alot of things that i shudnt be bothered of im bothered.. alot of ppl in need of alot of prayer and im here ..bein soo healthy.. sleeping like a pig.. eating like a pig.. playing cs.. yamcha-ing.. even enjoyin a peaceful scenery by the lake.. when there are people who are going throughh operations after operating.. chemo after chemo.. vomitting after vomitting.. suffering after suffering.. sometimes i just cant help wonder.. where is the fairness in thAT? Yes ppl i Am talking about cancer.. CANCER.. why does it even exist i should ask.. its main exixtence to cause pain and suffering to those who are suffering it and even those who is surrounded by it.. and sometimes it makes me feel guilty .. really guilty that i even worry about some guy who use to like me.. that i worry about failing a subject.. who this.. what that.. how much more pathetic can i be.. sigh.. SIGH!!

im just sad... how many of my church members died of cancer.. a fellow frend's mother is having cancer..my fren's aunty is having cancer.. even my own dear cousin is hving cancer and has been fighting it for 2 years and still is.. and i.. i just feel soo helpless.. i feel God is soo not fair.. and all i can do is just pray........that also im not doing properly.. sighs

honestly..now .. i no longer think its a big deal having a stomach pain.. headache.. flu.. cough ..sick.. even when it comes.. its for a while..

not sure why i wrote the things i wrote.. it just came in my mind..

anyways.. i HAVE been having this sore throat.. which is quite irritating.. hope to get better soon.. and tomorow which is today since its 3.43am on saturday im having Pendidikan Moral class.. classes on saturdays honestly sucks... tot i'd be in the same class with sasi but i'm left stranded all myself in a different lecture hall from 8am to 3pm!!

You see people.. even after all the things i've mentioned.. i still worry about petty little things.. and u just cant help but to wonder that THERE ARE people who just .. they just .. dont get to worry about petty little things such as these.. and the only thing they worry about is to win the battle and also to answer the question WILL I LIVE ANOTHER DAY TO SEE THE SMILES OF MY LOVED ONES..?? too many "sighs" already but still.. sighs..

oh well ... for us who can pray.. we pray... =) CEST LA VIE --------> its life..

Amazing Love

2010-10-26T22:04:00.001-07:00

Amazing Love

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,

I’m accepted, You were condemned.

I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love,

How can it be

That You, my King, should die for me?

Amazing love,

I know it’s true.

It’s my joy to honor You,

In all I do, I honor You.

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,

I’m accepted, You were condemned.

I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

=D!!

2010-10-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

"i dont wanna go somewhere.. if i know that Your not there..coz i know me without You is a lie.."

im referring to God k.. not to some imagination lover of mine.. ! anyways.. its a song from Avalon.. beautiful lyrics in which i believe i've posted before.. ^^

anyways.. i believe i havent blogged for a while now.. hehe.. was high on sem break! haha... no la..actually balik kampung alridi.. so no mood to blog.. its different when ur home.. When i blog.. i need to lie down on the bed with my laptop on my lap..and just blog..therefore im alridi used to the position when im in kampar.. when i go home= blogging mood shuts off + no privacy!

anyways..its been a week since im back to kampar.. took some time to settle in.. with 3/4 of the gang off for Intership! but its still tonnes of fun with the guys and sasi, christina, sudtha.. Counter Strike and pool !! wohooo!! im a cs pro now.. my personal record from 29 to 54 then i finally i killed 104 ppl!! sudah pro la.. biasa la... *perasan-ing*

anyways.. got a few testimonies.. will update one by one later on..

chaoz for now ppl!

life as it is..

2010-10-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

Read one of juan's post which mentioned im doing a good job at taking her place while she's gone.. perhaps i was.. haha.. but she's still my "guru" in blogging.. blogger queen juan! but the truth of the matter is .. i just blog when im reali tensed up.. if u realise i had a lot of posts up last month.. and i was in the middle of my finals for God's sake.. hahahaha!!

oh well.. speaking of juan's latest post.. hm.. .. i guess there is someone whose feeling the same way as i do.. and yes juan i gotto agree.."its just life.. how hard can it be?". I think.. a few posts back i roughly wrote something similar.. but it was just a buddle of words or craps and i dont even know ppl who read it actually really got it.. ^^'

its true.. its just life . how hard can it be? though we think this way.. why do we still hv the doubt.. THAT wreck of emotion that we still sink ourselves into? after putting on my thinking cap.. this thought just randomly popped in..LIFE as we say is only hard when we start getting confused between what we feel and what we think.. confusion between imagination and reality.. confusion between facts and figures.. confusion between touching and tasting.. confusion between seeing and believing ...confusion between knowing and not knowing..confusion!

yes.. im confused.. sometimes you just cant help but to ask God :"why cant my life be as perfect as others?!!!"

well.. ofcourse nobody is perfect.. problem ceases to rise no matter how perfect someone is or how perfect someones life is.. being perfect itself is a problem.. so then why??? well.. to be honest.. when you dont get the things you want in life.. and when other have it.. you just assume that the person is perfect.. sighs.. i kno ..lame..

So then .. what happens to trusting God..? what happens to having faith? what happens to not having doubt? what happens to "God's will be done in my life"? Well........ nothing .. nothing happens.. cause its you... its all you.. WE have to look at life diffrently.. rather than looking at it like some miserable piece of trash.. we ought to look at it like its a rainbow.. colorful.. beautiful.. it just puts a smile on your face... and you help to put smiles n others.. =) its tough.. it is HARD.. sometimes we just got to let go of past emotions.. definately know that God's will is being done in your life... definately i want someone in my life..to love me for who i am.. whome i'd be happily married with kids..mayb i hAd that person.. but then God told me its not him.. and i must wait.. so i'll just wait.. and im sorry God.. if i had acted miserably..if i didnt hv faith.. if i ever doubted You.. if i had ever stop trusting You.. im sorry.. cause nothing in this WORLD ever matters if I dont HAVE YOU in my life.. =)

You cant change what has happened.. nor must you dwell in it.. dont let your teenage hormones/ adult hormones(if such exists) get the head of you.. take charge of you life.. accept things the way they are.. dont try hard to change then ending up making the biggest mistake in your life.. everything happens for a reason.. if what you want doesnt take place now.. it doesnt mean it wont happen.. God has heard your prayers.. so trust in Him..for He will make your path straight..just let it go..

YES i know i have mentioned the aboves 101 times in my other posts before.. but no harm to be reminded of again.. for myself and for some of you.. ^^

Something just prompt me to write this on fb yesterday morning(saturday) :

"why would ppl wanna kill themselves for love?? come on la..life is worth more than that.. love comes and go.. if its the right one for u it stays.. and nothing is better God's love for YOU and ME .. if u wanna die .. die for Him.."

God bless and goodnyt!

Negativity -ve

2010-09-27T18:36:00.000-07:00

Well.. been going through some other blogs from my blogger buddies blogs since most of them never seem to be updating their blogs.. no offence but i know most of you'll are busy =) anyhow ..so i came across this post from a dude name seenu.. i found this blog from juan's friends list..the dude has yet to update his blog from 2009.. haha.. and so i found this post bout men and women really really intresting.. plus i've been sensing some negative energy in Kampar..women pay attention! i thought of sharing a link to the post but i couldnt so thought of just sharing it in my blog instead =)

i love the part highlight in bolded in blue

TUESDAY, MAY 12, 2009

She's my Bitch,He's my Punani:: seenu

" Friends are like bras.Close to your heart and there for support.”

These are the peoples you...

-share nasi lemak and teh ais
-watch football matches
-complain that your boyfriend is a total jackass
-circulate porn
-get high with and curse your father for not financing your alcohol expense

The xx chromosomes(females) tend to bond better with their female acquaintance or better know as,Biatches,Babe,SugermuFFin,etc etc.Females tend to love their own species rather then the opposite ones because they can communicate well emotionally.For an example;

Anjalai just got a major shock.She reaches Manjakani via the electronic communicator device a.k.a handphone

Anjalai :BABE!arggggghhhhh! CRISIS !!CRISIS !!
Manjakani cuts in
Manjakani :Hunny !CHILL!CHILL...chiiilllll
Anjalai :*takes a deep breath*phew..
Manjakani :Whats wrong ??
Anjalai :Your never gonna believe what just happen !
Manjakani :What what ??
Anjalai : Ah chai called me for a movie !
Manjakani : Huh ? Ah chai who ?
Anjalai :*takes a deep breath of disbelieve* OMG sayang..Ah chai Ramaraju,the cutest,HAWTEST,most adorable guy in the mamak shop that day !!
Manjakani :Get out !Serious shit ?? OMG!OMG!OMG

*both having moment of leisure by shouting simultaneously*

Manjakani :First things first.What are you wearing women ??
Anjalai :I cant decided ! That's the crisis all about !
Manjakani :I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Anjalai :Awwww...Thanks babe !Love yah !

Where else the xy chromosomes(male) are much sophisticated species where a few words churns out a million meaning.For example;

GeorgePandi's girlfriend cheated him.JerrySamy consoled him.

GeorgePandi : She's a bitch !
JerrySamy : Told you right..
GeorgePandi : Macha,you know how much i love her dei ?
JerrySamy : More than porn ?
GeorgePandi :*tearing* yesss....*SOBBING LOUD*
JerrySamy :It's okay macha.Let's get drunk.

Notice the length of the conversation?Yes.That's it.No matter what our problem is,getting drunk is the ONLY solution.

Friends=Sharing stationery+cheating in exam+mocking on a lecturers+Arguments

Emphasizing on arguments,the two sexes have their standard modus operandi of accomplishing that portion.

The xy species are rare to be found in controversy among each other.But if they are found,the following long list are the cause;

1.Girls
2.Female
3.chick
4.babe
5.perempuan
6.leng lui
7.sareke

We men always fight for noble cause;

1.You talk with my girl,YOU DIE !
2You look at my girl,YOU DIE !
3.You glance at my girl,YOU DIE !

4.You breathe my girls carbon dioxide,YOU DIE ! (seenu likes this)

But the xx species are much advanced because their approach in revenge are more tech savvy whereby internet applications such as facebook shout out,blogger are utilized.Their targets would be;

-sluts who steal their best friends boyfriends
-who steals their own boyfriend
-bitches who spread rumor about them

An argument is said to be cement between bricks.It strengthens the bond.But it should be in a healthy way where both individual tolerate each others ego and give in for the better.Learn the word sorry and imply it whenever you need to.Trust me,your social life will be a colorful one.

There is 2 things in life that are hard to find.A tasty Milo ice and A true friend.The second one inspires us.Shows us the path that should be taken.Encourages us during the darkest of time.A person who leads us to a better life unconsciously with expecting a single gratitude in return.

If you have one,appreciate them while your still breathing.Don't shed any croc tear when they aren't breathing.

Sembahyanglah sebelum anda disembahyangkan.
Nandri,vanakam.

Here In my life

2010-09-26T16:27:00.001-07:00

Didnt spend much time with God.. was feeling one kind bout it... then was hearing hillsong.. the song HERE IN MY LIFE felt like such a situation song... so decided to post it up.. ^^

I have never walked on water

felt the waves beneath my feet but

at Your word Lord, I'll receive Your

faith to walk on oceans deep

and I remember how You found me

in the very same place

all my failings surely would have drowned me

still You made a way

You are my freedom

Jesus, You're the reason

I'm kneeling again at Your throne

where would I be without

You here in my life

here in my life

You have said that all the heavens

sing for joy at one who finds the

way to freedom, truth of Jesus

bought from death into His life

and I remember how You saw me

through the eyes of Your grace

and though the cost was Your beloved for me

still You made a way

;) =) =p

2010-09-26T16:23:00.000-07:00

hm.. as usual im totally out of track of my sleeping time.. =/ its 7 am now.. hahahaha!! 2 more days.. 1 more paper to go.. feeling very very VERY much relax.. not that the paper is tough.. but its supose to be.. but becoz of that "sumthing extra" the lecturer gave.. im very relaxed.. hahahahahahahaha!!!

hearing hillsong again.. just makes me feel soo close to God.. had 2 crazy but awesome nites with the gang.. yesterday.. sunday morning was the best ever! i, vani, ganz, mahes, prakash and kalai randomly stayed awake the whole day the previos nite! went to cc to play cs with the guys then mamak at mm1 till 4am... went over to the guys place.. then me and vani decided to hv some heart to heart girl talk outside the house as the guys proceeded to play Soldier Of Fortune with their laptops.. gonna miss vani!! and the rest of the biomed and biotech peeps!! they are all going for industrial training !! =( sad.. sigh... next sem is gonna abit lonesome without them.. but nvrtheless.. all is gewwwd!! hehehe!

oh well.. yes.. coming back to sunday morning was best ever! =p well it was great. coz v stayed awake the whole day.. then it was 6.45am when i and vani went in da hse only to find the guys fast asleep!! hahaha!! and they had futsal at 7.30am! the best part is actuly waking the guys up! should hv seen their irritated faces!
before heading to futsal.. went back to my room 1st.. washed up and headed to futsal with sasi and vani to be cheerleaders for the guys and was up for some tengga paal appom for breakfast after dat at premas!! weehee!!

oh boy.. seriusly its been ages since i had a proper breakfast.. judging from my sleeping time and the time i actuly wake uP! it was just great.. to just have a normal breakfast.. drinking hot milo.. it makes it even better when ur having it with the people that you love soo much in the world... your frens....... =)

anyways.. nyts at 7.21am!

Your Name High

2010-09-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

Just simply thought of dropping by to say hi.. hello there... how are u doin?? hm.... ignore me.. guess im just talking to myy imaginary friend.. whoever U are.. out there.. haha.. i think i've delusional from all the studyin la.. sudah chee sing lo.. walalalalaalala!! okay enough!! ahem! hem! hem!

okay.. tomoro im sitting for my weakest subject this semester data communication and networking.. as complicating as the subject sounds.. it is that complicating.. im just not good in abtract kinda things.. haih.. anyways.. just worked my hardest! its open book .. but its hard!! gosh.. god bless me tomoro.. not giving up..no.. (with a worried expression).. nevertheless.. hearing to youtubes hillsong playlist while studyin kinda calms me downs.. but yea... nerves.. dey'll just hide for awhile before resurfacing again.. sighs..

anyways.. wanna try out this new editor thing on blogger.. and while hearing hillsong ..just thought of posting this song.. "Your Name High" by Hillsongs Joel Houston! =) a song that makes me wanna jump and dance because WE ARE FREEEE!!! haha!

enjoy..!

Your innocence forsaken

Upon that cross

You gave Yourself for us

Carried into Your freedom

Our broken past replaced in

A second chance

The chains have come undone

Death defied in the Fatherâ€™s love

We are,

Living to make Your Name high Jesus

Living to make Your Name high Jesus You,

Gave what the world couldnt offer us

Say what they want, Say what they want

We are free

The atmosphere is changing,

Oh can You hear

The people rising up

In the hope of Your freedom

Our former ways are breaking

We seek Your face,

God let Your kingdom come

In our praises be lifted up

With eyes on high we praise You

And with one voice we come together

Our one desire to praise You

And lift You up in our surrender

With eyes on high we praise You

And with one voice we come together

Our one desire to praise You

And lift You up cause we are

2010-09-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

Got this from juan la k which she got it from tumblr.. i get alot of things from her..hehehehe.. got to check out this tumblr thing..

11 painful things:

-Bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget..
-Reminiscing the good times..
-Trying to hide what you really feel..
-Loving someone who loves another..
-Having a commitment with someone whom you know it wouldn't last..
-Shielding your heart to love somebody..
-Loving someone too much..
-Right love at the wrong time..
-Taking risk to fall in love again..
-Accepting that it was never meant to be..
-"What ifs" ..

i got2 say.. i do agree with it all.. sometimes i find it very hard to explain.. i guess.. LOVE is COMPLiCATED.. sighs..

Suddenly.. all of the above just reminded me of the one again.. yes i do keep reminiscing the good time.. yes i do sOMEtimes bring back the feeling that i learned to forget... its hurtful.. and cheerful at the same time all over again.. i just never get the way i feel sometimes.. how is it that its soo hard to forget the one u use to like? its not like im not over him.. i am... i hv come to accept things the way they are.. WE as friends.. so whats the problem?

haha.. the fact is nothing.. its funny how the face of the one u like keep showing up each time u c a couple walking across the street holding hands how u wish u were that person.. sometimes when u watch titanic.. how u wish u were kate winslet and HE is leornardo de caprio.. sometimes.. its valentines day. and u see alot of couple doing things for each other.. and how u wish u were one of those who are doing the same thing.. or maybe ur own special thing..!! when u sleep.. when u dream.. God.. why?! why?! why?!

It is frustrating.. its like as if its never ending.. unless u have found another..but is that really the solution?? at the same time..AM I "Accepting that it was never meant to be" ..? AM I "Shielding my heart to love somebody"..? or AM I 'Trying to hide what I really feel"..? sometimes i dunno what the heaven im sayin.. but it always made sense to me or to u~ somewhere or another.. do u'll get me? its just funny.. when u think back.. bout the times.. somehow u just feel dat ur still part of that world that u think u have left behind.. like HE is still yours.. HE belongs to u.. HE and YOU are gonna be just find.. its as if you've created this mental image.. a film in your mind.. but then.. reality hits u real hard.. then u are like "wat the h*** is wrong with me??!!" im sure he has alridi moved on and probably eye-ing on another girl alridi.. and... and.. i wonder i how would it actualy make me feel...... hm gosh..!!! its just imagination k.. like an aftermath .. nothing serius..nothing serius.. but sERIUSly is this normal??? feels weird.. i reali wish to know.. so that atleast i know im not alone in this.. =S

im in da middle of my finals.. i dunnno y.. its always been around these times where i actuly get the mood to blog.. 4am-5am.. haha.. feel tired.. sleepy.. cant wait for friday to be over.. then finally i can really rest..

morning everyone!

i just havent met YOU yet! ^^

2010-09-21T13:11:00.000-07:00

he holds me when i start to cry.

makes me smile with just his eyes.

shares my hopes, dreams, and fears.

wipes away all my tears.

loves me without regret.

i just haven't found him yet ^^

tehehehe.. found this from christina's fb wall..

loved it!

thought it was really sweet. =)

ENEMIES OF THE NIGHT!

2010-09-21T12:45:00.001-07:00

"That was quite a show..very entertaining.. but its over now.. Go on and take a bow" (sorri juan.. i curi-skejap)

INDEED IT WAS QUITE A SHOW BY AN EFF-IN COCKROACH!! but IT IS OVER NOW!! DIE U! DIE U!!! DIE U!!! U STINKING DISCUSTING LOOKING NIGHT CRAWLER!!! GRRGR!! WHY DO u EVEN EXIST TO CREATE SUCH A MISERY IN MY LIFE!! and yes im taking A BOW BECAAUSE I KILLED IT!!! THIS STUPID ROACH WHICH CRAWL INTO MY SLEEPING GOWN WHEN I WAS JUST ABOUT TO REST AND GET A LITTLE SLEEP FROM ALL THE STUDYIN!! ITS EF-ING 3.47A.M ..!!! AND MY SLEEP IS DESTROYED BY A STUPID COCKCROACH! i dont even kno why God created such ferotious creatures of the nite wiith antennas and flying abilties to torment those who fear them..

they are 100x smaller than me but me who is 100x BIgGer than them.. im ashamed to say am scared.. but no .. as long for the existence of shieldtox, baygon, name it watever spray.. and thick books .. u roaches dont stand against.. i'll spray u and smash u into millions of pieces!!!!

phew.. i almost cried just now k... i tot my heart was gonna drop out of my chest any moment.. yes ! my phobia is dat bad.. my hands were shaking.. i still feel something is gonna crawl out of somewhere.. God.. it was hUge.. being soo paranoid.. i kept sprayin at it like a wackoOO!! eventually i sprayed too much and inhaled it myself.. was coughing.. feeling better now..while i blog.. while i express my fears.. oh Lord Jesus.. i just pray for a peaceful sleep.. and protection from the "enemies of the night".. cheh wah.. sounds like some horror movie.. heh heh heh.. ive gone crazy... @@

...................zzzzz

I don't want to Go

2010-09-20T00:26:00.001-07:00

Again and again.. i taken by surprice of the songs that exist in my music player!! A simply beautiful song with simple beautiful lyrics.. "I don't want to Go" by Avalon.. hear it.. feel it.. feel Him^^

You changed my world

When You came to me

You drove a passion

In my soul down deep

Lord, to follow You in everything

I don't want to go somewhere

If I know that You're not there

'Cause I know that me without You is a lie

And I don't want to walk that road

Be a million miles from home

'Cause my heart needs to be where You are

So I don't want to go

So come whatever

I'll stick with You

I'll walk, You'll lead me

Call me crazy or a fool

For forever I promise you that...

repeat chorus

Without Your touch

Without Your love

Filling me like an ocean

For Your grace is enough

Enough for me

To never want to go somewhere

If I know that You're not there

B.o.B - Airplanes ft. Hayley Williams

2010-09-18T14:29:00.000-07:00

YAY!! finaly!! the official music video of Airplanes!!!!

Paramore is my fav rock band and Hayley Williams voice is A-wesome!

anyways.. enjoy it guys!

=?

2010-09-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

Hmph.. eh... hm... emm... :/ .. haha.. duno what to blog actuly.. just felt writing something.. its almost 4am and i just cant sleep.. its almost as if im in a different part of the world.. and i still havent got use to the sleeping time in my home country.. exam period just does that to you i guess..

reali reali cant sleep.. tried continuing with maths2 .. its on saturday.. feel like im not prepared.. at the same i feel like i am.. fear crippling in.. haih.. but yea.. felt malas wanna continue.. surpricingly felt tired and thought of sleeping.. but i cudnt sleep.. got up again.. it was dark.. looked at my laptop which is on 24/7 and there a gigantic fly battling with my laptop screen.. but when i turned the light on .. it was gone.. but i was able to hear some buzzing sound somewhere.. wonder what was it doin in my room.. initially i thought it was some baby rouch or something.. cause it would have been dead!! XXXX!

tried messaging someone.. dunno.. just missed the person.. but no repli.. i guess there are people who are busy with their studies.. or manybe sleeping.. not like me right.. just being lifeless.. hahahaha!!

thinking of getting up early tomorow.. i always thINk of getting up early but end up gettiing up at 12pm or 1pm.. what do you expect if i sleep at 5am++ .. dunno .. just cant sleep.. ><

Anyways.. watched this movie called Julie and Julia.. had an awesome storyline .. and an outstanding cast.. Meryl Streep and Amy Adams.. Its bout 2 woman of 2 different timeline and how their lives interwined.. the movie came out last year.. but i just bumped into the torrent just recently.. anyways.. heres the synopsis.. =)

In 1949, Julia Child is in Paris, the wife of a diplomat, wondering how to spend her days. She tries hat making, bridge, and then cooking lessons at Cordon Bleu. There she discovers her passion. In 2002, Julie Powell, about to turn 30 and underemployed with an unpublished novel, decides to cook her way through "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" in a year and to blog about it. We go back and forth between these stories of two women learning to cook and finding success. Sympathetic, loving husbands support them both, and friendships..

the movie is simply wonderful to watch.. Julia Child whose character was so similar to Julie Powell.. how they connect.. how both their lives are intwined though they are of diffrent generation of people.. how they are so similar..Both Meryl Streep and Amy Adams realy potrayed their character as Julia and Julie very well.. and their husbands!! Wow.. i would wish for such great and understanding husbands!! the best part ..Julie blogged!! Its ofcourse based on a true story.. her blog soon became a novel.. which is now a MOVIE! great to hear huh.. how i wish my blog would become a novel.. and i'd be a well published writer! sounds good eh? well.. yea.. in my dreams! but.. at the same time.. dreams do come true.. =)

oh well.. sometimes .. writing .. hm.. i dono.. i just enjoy it.. its the same as blogging.. just blog and blog and blog.. a place where all your thoughts.. feelings.. ideas are translated to words.. let people know whats going on in your life.. how "mind blowing" it is.. maybe it is also blunt and plain and normal like how it usually is.. but sometimes something just makes your life feel different compared to others.. You feel different..

Im not really sure what's the motive of me writing now.. at this moment.. i just got up.. saw a fly fighting with my laptop screen.. and i just decided to write.. ha! =)

nights ppl... love you all soo much!
whoever .. where ever you are... i just love you!
muah! =p

ps: Please do watch Julie and Julia ^^

Jesus is soo COOL la!!

2010-09-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

Yeap! that' s right! Jesus is soo cool la! Yesterday before sleeping i was throwing tantrums with God.. heh heh.. i memang tak de kerja lain.. like to pick a fight with God.. =_='

Anyways.. today morning i got up and mandi.. then read the bible book of Matthews.. the part where Jesus went into the wilderness and He fasted for 40days and 40 nights and then He was also tempted by the devil!! I dont know why but today morning as i was reading it.. i just felt Jesus was soo coool!!

Matthew 4

¹Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. ²After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. ³The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."

⁴Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]}"

⁵Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. ⁶"If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:
" 'He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'^{b]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]}"

⁷Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'^{c]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[c]}"

⁸Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. ⁹"All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

¹⁰Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'^{d]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[d]}"

¹¹Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

Walao eh... check out the replies Jesus tembak back at satan.. haha.. just thought it was sooo cool! but we can't underestimate the devil.. even he knows the word of God.. i think what we learn from this scripture is.. God's word is our weapon.. we need to know God's words in and and out.. it is our shield, guider and protector.. it is our sword against the devil.. and it also reminds us not to be easily tempted by the pleasures of the world.. Just like Jesus we must learn to use God's word as our weapon in these times of temptations.

and yes.. Dont expect me to be perfect k.. i AM afterall learning.. im a blogger and im just giving my opinion.. but i dont reali think of it as giving an opinion but more as if it is my duty as God's servant here on earth.. to share what i know and what i learn from what i know. And here.. I am reminded of this bible verse.. it applies for me as well..

"we must not only be sayers of His word but also doers of His word"

Have a blessed day!!

Obvious

2010-09-15T12:22:00.000-07:00

And i still wonder why people stopped liking boybands..

And it still fascinates me how beautiful some of those songs were..

Westlife Obvious....

My favourite parts of the song.. =)

"We started as friends ..But something happened inside me.. "

"Now I'm reading into everything ..But there's no sign you hear the lightning.."

"You don't ever notice me turning on my charm.. Or wonder why I'm always where you are.. "

"I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong"

"I'm not so good with words.. "

"You are my very first thought in the morning ..And my last at nightfall .."

"You are the love that came without warning .."

"I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more then adore you but since you never seem to see.."

"The way that we belong ..I'll say it in a love song..."

This song is like a person who loves somebody ..but the love is unnoticed.. feel the struggle.. the fight

This powerful feeling or emotion called LoVe...i wish to feel it again..

This song just reminded me of the times when you actualy like someone.. a crush that turns into love..

The pain you feel when you want to tell them how much you love him

but then you just cant..

than.. someone will just come and take them away...

your heart just crushes and breaks into millions of pieces..

then you just struggle to pick up the pieces..

you bring back the shattered pieces back to your room..

Use your tears as glue to stick the pieces all back togather...

then put on a smiling face the next day and face the new day..

even if the heart is glued .. but it still threatens to break.. having to see the person again..

Phew.. the song.. brought back some past emotions..

kinda miss the feeling.. of falling in love..and evrything in it..

ps: If someone sings to me a love song.. i'll come running into his arms..!!!!! ><

Happy Malaysian Day Comedy :D LOL!

2010-09-15T05:38:00.000-07:00

This is a Happy Malaysian Day Comedy :D LOL!

Damn funny..

but it means something ..

to all of us..

and made me realise that I shouldnt hate my country..

despite the discrimination and one sidedness

I should love and pray for my nation instead =)

Lots of people fighting these days because we're all different.

So sad.

The beauty of our nation is that we're different.

We are unique like that.

And each have something to learn from the other.

Relak lar bro. ..

We are different but same-same!

Ps: i didnt write the above description ya.. copy and paste it coz it was nice! ;)

Mungkin Nanti?

2010-09-14T23:07:00.000-07:00

Heart is not in P-e-a-c-e .. Heart is not is P-i-e-c-e.. feel C-onfused .. feel like C-rying =(

Anyways.. Vanez posted this on her fb wall ..

so thought of sharing it..

awesome song..awesome singer..and definately awesome lyrics!

absolutely loved the 0.57s ..the pause then the chorus..dynamic..!

saatnya ku berkata

mungkin yang terakhir kalinya

sudahlah lepaskan semua

ku yakin inilah waktunya

mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi

mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

dan mungkin bila nanti

kita kan bertemu lagi

satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali

rasa yang ku tinggal mati

seperti hari kemarin

saat semua di sini

dan bila hatimu termenung

menghindari mimpi-mimpimu

membuka hatimu yang dulu

cerita saat masa lalu

tak usah kau tanyakan lagi

cinta untukmu sendiri

semua sesal yang kau cari

semua rasa yang kau beri

i like what Paris Hilton said... =)

2010-09-14T10:24:00.001-07:00

Probably the smartest thing she said..?

no offence..

hahahaha..

but i guess, she's a woman just like me..

she understands.. =)

read it!

2010-09-13T14:33:00.001-07:00

oh well..

i posted something which didnt turn out to be my recent post..

its at the back

titled

:: tragic monday..miraculous tuesday::

so just read it~~ !

You stand Alone

2010-09-13T06:37:00.000-07:00

>---------<3----------->

I will lay me down
At Your feet in worship
And listen to the sweetest sound of all

Oh God You are my God
How my heart it longs for You
I'm thirsty for Your presence in my world
I cry out night and day for more
To hold the majesty of You

My God You stand alone
And I worship at Your throne
I will look to see Your power and glory
Jesus Lord of all

>------------------------<3----------------------->

Stumbled upon this song on my playlist.. stumbling on many beautiful christian songs on my playlist..

i realised there are some songs which i dont fully hear to..

and when i do.. its as if God is trying to tell me something. This song touched my heart

especially the highlighted part.

I mean i AM touched by many christian songs but

this song made me feel so sensitive to God.

Oh Lord.. You just never cease to amaze me ..

Your love endures forever

always... I LOVE YOU..

i love this!!

2010-09-12T11:39:00.002-07:00

♥ You are the best thing that's ever been mine ♥

♥ And I remember that fight 4:30 PM, Cause everything was slippin' right out of our hands..I cried and you put your arms around me ♥

♥ Braced myself for the goodbye, Cause that's all I've ever known And you took me by surprise,You said "I'll always be here for you" ♥

♥ You're the thing that's right ♥

♥ When we're hungry...love will keep us alive ♥

♥ you're amazing, just the way you are ♥

♥ the memories remain ♥

♥ we'll be a dream ♥

♥ Your love is my drug ♥

♥ I miss you like crazy ♥

♥ I want to spend the rest of my life, With you by my side..Forever and ever..Every little thing that you do..Baby, I'm amazed by you ♥

♥ You're the only one that leaves me completely breathless ♥

♥ You're in my heart, the only light that shines there in the dark ♥

♥ You get me smiling even when it hurts ♥

♥ Hold me close, don't ever let me go ♥

♥ You make me smile like the sun,Fall out of bed,Sing like a bird,Dizzy in my head ,Spin like a record,Crazy on a Sunday night..You make me dance like a fool,Forget how to breathe,Shine like gold,Buzz like a bee,Just the thought of you can drive me wild,Ohh you make me smile ♥

♥ You put the beautiful in life ♥

♥ Today was a fairytale ♥

♥ Everyday I love you ♥

Got this from one blog that i recently started following.. a blog from this girl named christina abigail. She did it herself i think^^ i seriusly love it. !! its the combination of love songs.. emo love song as so the girl says..

Ganz 20th!!

2010-09-09T01:40:00.000-07:00

Ganz's 2oth was a blast ofcoz!! the boy was born on 9 september which is today.. v celebrated his birthday 12am sharp last midnyt! it wa awesome with the eggs beatings.. waterballoons bursting.. and flours flying!! haha.. eventuly the whole plan kinda backfired at us.. ganesan ran off and bought 15 eggs brought his house an throwed back at us!! pheeeww.. hahahahaha!! had fun still!! =D!

HAPPY 20TH GANESAN!!!

ros, me, vanez, ganz, vani

ganz, monkey, kelvin and mahes

ganz and vanez

vani and ganz

ganz and sally

tragic monday.. miraculous tuesday

2010-09-07T20:53:00.000-07:00

I was suppose to blog this last tuesday.. but completely forgot about it. So just assume today is last tuesday and just hear me out alright?? i mean see me write out alright?? =p

Well, as you all know .. Im in Kampar now right.. main transport is our bicycle in which most of us would consider to take care with our lives!! no bicycle.. no life! uuukay... maybe not to that extent.. hehe.. anyways its assential to have a bicycle here la..

Well anyways.. Kampar has recently increased in its bicycle stealing bisness.. yes u herd me.. bicycle STEALING.. people actuly steal your bicycle wey.. no kidding..vani lost hers in campus a few weeks back ..poor thing.. =/ and here was I .. not locking my beautiful black ROCKY bicycle.. but seriusly God taught me a lesson..

This was on Monday:

It was study break and I rarely went out.. so yea.. decided to go dinner with the gang..

as usual no locking the bicycle.. but my ride is usually waiting for me to take it go jalan-jalan.. but shockingly it wasnt there this time!! I was scared.. i didnt know what to do.. my mum always told me.. "lock your cycle ..lock your" but no.. i wouldnt listen.. then vani told me.. "lock your cycle..lock your cycle".. but no... i still didnt.. the thing is .. I use to have an old cycle.. which i dont usually lock.. so kinda got use to it.. and i didnt think of locking my new ride either thinking no one would take... and boy was i soo wrong..

Anyways.. i WAS scared... what was I gonna tell my mom???? Im the one who begged her for a new cycle since the old one was giving me alot of problems.. and I had to get an expensive one too right..? aih...... i was angry.. and i was just soo dissapointed with myself.. i knew i had to tell my mum eventually.. but then as I was doing my bicycle hunting with roshani.. i was just praying in my heart.. and i was reminded of this video.. again its about having faith..

when my cycle went missing.. the 1st person i thought of telling was vani.. hehe.. and replied my message by sayin:" which crappy ass person would wanna steal hawt black rides?!" (vani's bike was black too) . Oh well.. her msg literally made me LMAO!

then when I came back to my room.. decided to calm myself down and pray.. pray with faith.. trusting God..

i said: " God.. my cycle is missing.. i know i have to tell my mom.. but before i do.. i pray Oh Lord for whoever has taken my bicycle to return to me.. perhaps they have taken mistakenly.. show them to return it.. perhaps they have stolen it.. place guilt and repentence in them that they would return it to me.. and i pray that I'll get it back by the end of the week. I surrender all to You. God.. please take over the whole situation. In Jesus name, Amen"

Tuesday

Here I was.. got up .. studied a little.. then got a call from my gang to have lunch.. something just prompt me to peek outside my house.. and so I did.. and guess what? My bicycle!!! it was there!!!! outside! in the porch!! I was shocked and speechless.. all that was going in my mind was.. "am i dreaming?? is this real???" . I looked at my black ride just like when I laid my eyes on her for the first time..touched her and caressed her ... almost had tears in my eyes.. my heart was just giving thanks to God..

So did someone steal? took it? or borowed it?? i dont know.. but God bless the soul who was willing to return it! =) =) =)!!!!

So yea.. here it is.. its a simple.. maybe funny.. cause i made a big deal out of my bicycle... but yet its still a testimony.. about faith .. just to remind or perhaps encourage you guys out there.. to pray with faith and trust. =)

giving glory back to God!

2010-09-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

i was suppose to blog this yesterday... but ended up blogging bout sumthing else.. anyways.. yesterday i was worship leading again! i seriusly do enjoy worship leading .. feel so happy to serve God every week!!

i chose these songs:

1. the stand(intro)

2. beautiful one

3. oceans will part

4. light of the world

5. awesome God (ending)

anyways.. had trouble worship leading the past few times.. i loved doing it.. but dont kno something wasnt right.. yes.. me.. i wasnt prayin and therefore i wasnt able to feel God. i told myself.. if i sincerely want to serve Him.. i have to change.. i need to.. yesterday morning had a good prayer time with God.. just sat there and decided to get it settled with Him.. just couldnt take it anymore.. (if u remember my previous post). i kno i've been reali shaky in my prayer life.. i got to change if i want to let God in my life.. stop dwelling in the past.. live for the present.. let God's will be done in my future..

after having that time with God yesterday.. worship went soo well.. God spirit was with us all.. the musicians.. the members.. it was great!! and also to hv Paul, this nigerian(his guitar skills were awesome!!)to help us out with the guitar. It was so great and overwhelming that some were filled with the spirit! All glory back to God.. Amen!

but definately.. we're all starters in serving God. I may or may not have mentioned.. the church im attending is a campus church.. we are all youths who are soo zealous for God with a tremendous passion for Him.. and we have a great pastor to lead us and encourage us and to support us .. Pastor Nicky Ling.. this is one of the best things that has happen to me being in Kampar. =)

God.. you rocked the house yesterday!! ;)

conquered impromTU!!!

2010-09-05T08:10:00.001-07:00

hehe!! wats up?? yo yo yo... mc lydia in da house!!! *50 cent in da club music in da background!* holaa..!! ow.. im just getting in tha groove.. with a little style and little beat.. ka ching*

uukay.. somebody stop me before i embarass myself..! and guess wat i dont care..!! hahahaha!! lol.. im reali contented.. guess wat?? i did well in my impromtu!! wuhoo!!! oh god.. who wud thought this introvert girl when it come impromtu actuly said something without going blank??!! isnt it awesome??!!

here how it went.. i was nervous ofcourse.. the last day of the semester.. my last class with mr lionel(gonna miss him!! ><)

then there i was.. in the class.. feeling nervous as ever... mr richie was late by the way.. i always wonder he's always late.. and he'll rush into the class with his messed up hair and untucked shirt.. ( pheww...! ) =p !!!!

okay enough enough!! ahem.. back to wat i was saying.. i was the 1st one to pick a topic.. guess wat did i get?? " What are the risks n life that are worth taking and what are not? " . To tell u the truth .. i had no clue on what to talk..!! risk?? wat crappy risks that are worth taking and what are nt??? =/ =/ =/! mr lionel did some kindness of hinting me by defining wat are risks and its something like bungy jumping and stuff.. but seriusly i just couldnt get any idea out.. then mr richie did another act of kindness (oh God bless his soul by all means..) ask me if I'd wanna have another topic.. and yes!! definately!!

i didnt kno why.. while waiting for others to talk their impromtu.. i was suddenly very calm.. nervous was der.. but i was more calm.. at the same i had ideas rushing into my head for the risks topic.. and i was wondering if could talk the same topic again.. but then i took my 2nd topic... and it was about "fears" ! and here i thought..great.. fears..wat to talk about then? actuly i just faked the "i donno wat to say" expression towards mr lionel.. so he asked me

mr lionel: " lydia, do u wanna do the risks topic again??" =)

me: can i??????? =D

mr lionel: "definately! ........... NO!"

me : =_="

ow.. mr lionel and the smirk on his face... grrr...

oh well.. fears.. it was pretty easy actuly.. out of soo many fears in life.. cant i just take a few???? hehe... decided to talk to about my really good frend The Cockroach and how much im afraid of not being good enough.. just to distinguish between mental fear annd physical fear... impactly started by relating the fears to the Fear Factor show and concluded ryt on the clock ! ;)

I think its the most confident i've felt in giving a speech.. and remember me saying dat im giving a persuasive speech on Blogging?? well.. guess wat?? i aced it as well!!

HINT: persuasive speech is best spoken about something you love or you're passionate about!

coming to the best part..

mr lionel was giving an overview on how much everybody has improved in their speeches and how far along all of us have come. Then he talked about me.. on how i always speak very fast and still do.. and before the crowd could catch i was saying.. im alridi through to the next point!! ( i cant help it!! its inborn! i feel like i sound more professional that way too.. =_=" i kno... lame..) and then he said:

"Lydia did well in her impromtu... today we were able to see Lydia as Lydia rather than Lydia the word processor.."

i was like.. what?? WORD PROCESSOR?!! that was like the funniest description given about my speaking "skills" !! what a way to metaphorise it mr lionel.. haha... !!

finaly... before the last class ended.. we all snapped pictures togather!

last conversation with mr Lionel Keith:

me: mr lionel .. dun cry okay.. =p

mr lionel: ow.. im crying on the inside.. =p

=)!

are You hearing me??

2010-09-02T04:08:00.000-07:00

aaaaaaaaaahHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! dont ask me why.. just wanna SCREAMMMM!!!!! but not its not helping anyways.. i cant reali express it... im just writing it! one thing i've always been bad at..EXPRESSING.. is my heart literally made of stone??? sometimes i wish i was like one of those who are easily emotional.. and they couuld cry and cry and cry.. crying is good for the eyes after all.. no wonder im wearing specs.. and seriusly it cud save me all the miserableness and emo-ness.. is it always like this when finals is around the corner.. its reali freakin me out.. seriusly!! hair dropping like mad.. i reali hope not to get bald when i leave kampar in 3 years time.. no one wud wana marry me then.. wuah wuah wuah.. !!

God.. IM SORRY.. i know its been quite sometime since i reali knelt down and spent time with You Lord.. and im positive that the reasons for my miserableness is this as well.. not being able to feel You there.. filling myself with the frustration of this heartless world is too unbearable.. i just cant take it !! feeling soo torned ..soo ripped apart.. just want someone with me.. to hold me real tight.. feel so alone.. i want You Jesus...Your embrace.. Your love.. Your joy.. Your peace.. are you hearing me LORD??!!! are YOU?!

help me Lord.. help me.. i want to serve You with a contrite heart.. without fear.. without doubt.. just to serve You in the way You want me to.. use me.. anoint me.. to share Your love to others without feeling like a hypocrite... but with firmness and truth!

God.. sorry for being such a brat.. i feel so like the prodigal son-ish.. just wanna get my heart straight with You.. and i know that i'll be okay.. <3

This song cease to linger in my head..

"If my heart has grown cold,

There Your love will unfold

As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.

When I'm blind to my way

There Your Spirit will pray

As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand"