im glad!

u kno what im just glad today^^
im glad im not fat neither am i thin.. atleast i dun hv anyone calling me anorexic or bulimic.. or
having to be weak or fainting every once in awhile.. but some how rather the guys just dig all of this..=p
im glad that i learn not to give up
im glad that im a strong willed person
im glad that im small but brave
im glad that im wise beyond my age.. atleast i dont make stupid decision that i regret
im glad that i learnt to recognise my God given talent... all glory back to Him ..
im glad to have such wonderful parents..
im glad to have a niece!
im glad to have great sisters.. though one of them is always a pain.. but sisters.. we fight ..but the next moment.. v'd throw ourselves infront of the bus for each other
im glad to have all this wonderful friends God has colored my life with..

im glad that i decided to go to  Church of Praise service today.

eventhough it would mean attending 2 services this week including sundays

on top of it all..

im glad that i kno this amazing person called Jesus Christ.. who has so magnificently light up my once upon a time dark life..

im glad that He light up my dimmed paths

im glad He always picks me up each time i fall ..

im glad He is always there to light the way and also show me the way when all else fails..

im glad learn to lean on Him in times of weakness..

im glad to know that all things are possible in His name

im glad that i dont have to scared of anything because He will give me wisdom to guard my heart and my mind

im glad to know that i can do all things through Him who gives me strength

im glad to know that He wouldnt abandon me in time when i need Him..

and yes Lord im making myself available for your works.. just SURRENDERING to You..

weighed down =)

Im trying to think of sumthing inspiring to write.. but i just cant think of any!! its weird.. i use to have so much to write but then.. now.. i just dont.. its like as if my mind and heart is blocked. 

to be honest.. the past few month have been really tough.. confusing.. unasuring.. and.. SCARY..

the last thing anybody would want is doubt in whatever course their doing.. because its something that is going to effect the rest of your life.. and I HAD THAT DOUBT.. i never thought i have to go through this road..  All of a sudden when i saw what i studied... it felt like if i was dyslexic.. i just couldnt understand.. everything was just jumbled up.. my brain felt constantly clogged as i couln't take in anymore.. stress and pressure settling in.. overly fatigue.. and that time i just wanted to quit and do something easier or im better at.. just leave engineering.. and take a chance at art and design.. sumthing that my brain could comprehend more compared to formula and complicated networks screwing around my brain..

I knew i needed to talk to someone.. but who? felt like God had abandoned me.. because i wasnt getting any assurance from Him.. it was upsetting.. 

back then.. even my parent didnt understand what i was going.. the amount of pressure i was in..i couldnt blame them because money  WAS an issue.. i go to class hoping i could grab on to something..something which i could understand.. but it was just getting tougher and tougher..

However.. deep down .. i know God wouldnt leave me..i found my assurance from a sister from church.. i received a message from her saying 

"You may not know where tomorows road may lead.. but hold on to Gods hands.. "

its such a beautiful verse.. 

and again.. from a christian lecturer.. whom also encouraged me to continue even if i had the interest in it.. and i caught myself thinking.. : "hey.. i didnt go through my foundation years.. working so hard in maths and physics without interest? i knew what i was coming into.. and i made the effort to do well.. ofcourse God's wisdom and understanding was also part of it.. its a testimony of a lifetime.. of how much God had helped me!"  Somehow rather.. i found the courage to continue.. and the lecturer was kind enough to offer me a prayer..

i manage to find my focus before finals.. but coursework marks of a few subjects were quite dissapoiting.. plus finals was really really tough.. and i thought ...this is it.. i have to change course before i suffer down this road.. 

but..as i prayed.. God showed me that i wasnt close to him and that was why i was having all of these fears and doubts.. i continued to pray.. whatever God's will for me.. i would accept it positively.. This time, my parents were soo understanding.. because they understood and they didnt want to see me suffering as well and i honestly felt the love and care they had for me which i selfishly thought it wasnt there.. with much hope they told me if i could just try out another one more semester..

Surprising.. my heart was at peace when i said "yes" .. its true i wasnt close to Him.. its almost like as if.. i prayed onli when i needed Him but then again.. i would let the pressure built on on me.. where was my faith which i used to proudly display..? where was my trust ..? where was my foundation layed on? 

i  refocused.. and i truely thank God for the people in my life.. the lecturer who helped me to sort out my subjects for the next a year and a half .. properly planned my subjects in the future.. i desire to finish it..! and also to conquer it..! God's way is slow but We are made overcomers.. we are weak but we are strong in Him.. we are poor but we are rich in Him.. and  "He will make us the head and not the tail" and because "I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me.. " =)

Yes.. this was what i went through the pass few months.. just wanted to share..  i truely learnt to "Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.. and to acknowledge Him in all my ways for He will make my path straight" . Please keep me in prayer.. all you wonderful souls out there.. amen..

Ps: hope this was inpiring.. =p  ;-)

nowadays im doing a lot of things dat i never thought i could see myself doing few years back.. i believe its a good thing..just another side of me which i never knew existed i guess..

i think its just a moment at this ONE time .. where u just feel like letting yourself go and be free and just enjoy the moment of having 'no one can stop me' feeling .. let loose and just enjoy urself..

but.. also i think sometimes.. at some point in your life.. something just happens and you just wanna change. This, i feel is bad.. because it definately can cause you to travel down an unpleasant road.. in which sometimes you will just get lost in forever.. or some at some point you'll realise that.."hey wat the hell am i doin?" and decide to change your life for the better good..

Sometimes i can be such a perasan case.. hoping my life would be as if something that would turn out like in the movies.. apparently.. i think too much.. and 'my life would be as if something that would turn out like in the movies' aint happening.. and i say that with a joking face! =p

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WE are completely different people living different lives.. we think differently and i may understand you but you understanding me is going to be a difficult process.

Hence, being in a relationship is kinda phobic to me for some reason. The fear of never being able to find someone who could comprehend me or willing to put up with me or take care or understand the fragile sensitive person that I am or keep up with the depth of my thoughts and speech.

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JUST TRUST GOD YOU SAY??

=)

who am i?

Who am I? 
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? 
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours. 

Who am I? 
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I? 
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours. 

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
Cause I am yours..
I am yours..




..::WHO am I? i know now..  =)

why?

why am i NOT those who can just go with the flow... and doesnt bother about what anybody say or do?


the truth is.. 
how much i dont bother..
the more bothered i become... 

=/

today my life begins^^

I've been working hard so long

Seems like pain has been my only friend

My fragile heart's been done so wrong

I wondered if I'd ever heal again

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin'

I know I can make it, today my life begins

Yesterday has come and gone

And I've learnt how to leave it where it is

And I see that I was wrong

For ever doubting I could win

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/bruno_mars/today_my_life_begins.html ]

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know I can make it, today my life begins

Life's too short to have regrets

So I'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget

Only have one life to live

So you better make the best of it

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know I can make it, today my life begins

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know I can make it, today my life begins

Today my life begins...

-BRUNO MARS-TODAY MY LIFE BEGINS