Hey there.. its been quite some time since i wrote anything here.. or in my tumblr.. just got bored for awhile.. was kinda doing some real writing instead. hm.. yes today is a depressing day.. why?? well.. finals finally started... and it didnt start well.. i had tcp/ip internetworking finals today.. and it was hard.. i was preparing for it for a week.. and its kinda depressing to say that i didnt prepare well enough.. i thought i had it all covered but there i was.. looking at the 1st question blankly..wondering how in the world to answer it.. and when i discovered i could figure out the 1st question.. i panicked.
Somehow rather got myself togather.. and completed as much as i could as i was also running out of time.. and then another depressing thing happend. Well, kampar had a mini flood a few days ago.. as exciting as it was.. i found a kitten shivering and stuck inside an upside down rubbish bin.. decided to save it.. im a sucker for small, cute, furry animals.. and this was a kitten.. imagine the compassion i was feeling.. vanez, chris and i took it home, gave it a bath and fed it and prayed for it before letting it go again. For the next few days it was still roaming around my house.. making sound but i couldnt find it..so i bought a ikan bilis bun for it, broke it to pieces and left it outside the house.. hoping it would eat..
then today came, and i didnt hearing it meawing anymore.. i thought it had finally went away.. little did i know .. i would find it dead outside my house.. initially i thought it was sleeping .. but then i noticed the ants around it and knew it had died.
felt a huge burden in my heart.. it was really heartbreaking.. took me back to the times when i was small.. where i had saved this kitten and my grandmother would chase it away.. and one day i saw the same kitten died behind my house and blamed my grandma for its death and i called her the "cat murderer.
as u can see.. its pretty depressing.. feel like God is testing my emotions or something.. just feel like as if just when i had start to pick up all the courage to move on with my course(long story../) then again i feel like im stuck in another ball of confusion.. and then to see this kitten die kinda added the oil into the fire.. why didnt He protect the kitten??? or was it my fault? i didnt take care of it enough.. ?? didnt i pray hard enough?? if only i had looked out for it. =(
Maybe for most.. its not a big deal.. but it is to me.. feeling really sad.. cant shake it off.. just thought of writing.. to let some of the burden go.. RIP dear kitty.. im sorry for not taking care of u well enough...... as much as ppl hope that there are heaven for dogs.. i hope there is a heaven for kittens as well....
