Stumbles

Just had the urge to blog in da midst of preparing for my maths2 test2!! i dunno y in these times i'll hv to have the urge to blog .. -_-.. well.. the urge is there.. so i might as well just do it ^^

feeling abit disturbed lately.. sumtimes i feel dat im torn between two worlds.. one seem real..the half seems fake..im torn between wat i believe and wat i do.. it tough.. but its also easy.. like being a christian.. its easy .. all u hv to do is leave everything and follow Him.. how wonderful it wud be if its easier done then to be said huh?? and dats wat im torn between in.. sometimes i just feel dat im not myself.. i wonder if im bein to hard on myself too.. it makes me sad.. its makes me be afraid.. i kno wat im saying is just hard to understand.. but some myt just get it..

i was looking at juan's blog the other day.. "true love does exists, or i hope so.."
after reading it.. i just blurted out watever dat was in my mind on to her comment box.. but i failed to realise dat i too am like her.. i often wonder dat will i have another.. dat will love me for who i am? look at my heart and not my appearance.. he.. has been in my mind lately.. dunno y.. sumtimes i always felt he was the one.. sometimes when its over.. and sometimes when u think back.. u feel like things cud hv been diffrent if it was like this or like that.. sometimes i dont even kno wether i've fully moved on.. but when u kno somethings are not ryt.. its best to just let it go.. in life ders no gain without sacrificing ryt?? tho.. my heart still skips a beat at the sight of him.......

the tamil movie VTV is a nightmare actuly.. not literaly.. its a good movie.. but each time i watch it.. it just reminds me of how similar the whole story is to my life.. scary but true.. dats y i said wat i meant to say..a nightmare.. i was okay bout it at the beginning.. den it just became annoying to watch.. wonder if gautham vasudev menon went through the same shit in his life.. figures.....and he recently watched it .. dunno y.. but sum how it just got to him.. and he was acting weird.. like he had sumthing to say.. but he just cudnt.. and sometimes i wish he wud .... aih.... it reali bothers me alot...... and thats another part im torn between in....

just had a short prayer.. just to get my heart straight again..mind focused.. but i guess my advice to juan backfires at myself.. haha!! feel like a hypocrite...but yea..just let God's will be done in my life.. keep prayin..keep running the race.. keep persevering in His words .. even if i donno wats best... He knows wat's best.. and im sure He has great plans for me in the future.. a future in which i reali cant wait to step into!! but God.. mek it a future where im atleast happily married .. kekekekekeke!! ^^'