Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on, turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like, to be like me

To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark
To be kicked, when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life............

simple plan's song are my favorites!!! i remember how much their lyrics relates to a teenagers struggles.. and hardship..and hurt.. and decrimination.. den hearing simple plan's songs wud make u feel so relieved knowing that there are ppl out der just like us...

i was pretty much quite an emo-er growing up.. dats y i loved "welcome to my life".. up till form 3.. dats was where i started acknowledging a person called Jesus :) ..started reading the bible.. knowing the path of life God has prepared for me and all.. and it changed my life forever..

Recently been having soo much doubts about my course.. dunno.. mayb its just studiess getting hard..or maybe its the fact dat ur in degree and dat ur no longer spoon fed is just kicking in.=S .. despite all of dat.. just cant shake off the feeling of uncertainty .. soo many "wat if's" above my head...

one thing about kampar.. ur frens are always around u.. and when u need sumone to talk to.. u kno sumone is der to hear u out.. and yesterday.. i had a long chat with ganz.. it was easy talking to him coz his also doin a course in IT..( the rest of our gang member are in bio) .. and yes.. the conversation jut made me realise alot of thing...

- i doubt myself
- i feel intimidated by the smarty pants around me
- im a tension "patti"
- im soo scared dat im even afraid to open my notes fearing dat i wont understand anything!

and one thing ganz said dat reali opened my eyes.. "study each subject as a subject and not like ur studying for u future because u hv 2more years to go.. and one ur in ur 3rd yer u'd probably wont remember what u studied in ur first two years!!

what he said is actualy true.. and cant help but to laugh at myself for the craps i was goin through with myself.. it was self torture!!

btws ..thanks ganz!!!

i mean wats wrong with me?? lydia.. where hv ur faith gone to??? u prayed about it before u went into this field.. and u know God is guiding u in the right path.. den leave no room for doubts!! have faith.. believe..be still and kno He is God.. and He'll nvr leave us in time of troubles.. and He'll nvr leave us in darkness.. and even if we are in darkness He'll guide us back into the light.. He'll make sure His children will always be the head and not the tail.. and He definately brings the best out of us..!

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all ur heart
and lean not on ur own understanding.
in all ur ways acknowlege him
and He will make ur path straight.

.....
its here dat all my doubts and fears just melt away..
i lay my burden down and i look upon Your face
You are my refuge..
You are my sanctuary
Underneaths Your wings..
I rejoice and sing..
For You are my refuge..

- You Are my Refuge-

so keep praying.. and know dat God is there for u.. no doubts.. just pure F-A-I-T-H!

and im tellin all this to myself .. =s :p

blunt! XD

nothing much to much to blog lately... valentines day just passed by bluntly.. chinese new yers just passed by bluntly.. all i was doin is observing people enjoying themselves from far and cant help to wonder why is my life so plain, boring and pathetic.. sigh... okay..my life isnt dat plain ..boring.. and pathetic.. just dat.. i dono...its just blunt i guess..

oh yea.. ganz has a blog now!!!! yahoo!! SO glad my frens are starting to hv blogs.. eventhough nothing much to blog lately but yea.. seeing my frens starting deir own blogs now.. just bring me back to when i 1st started blogging.. getting inspired all over again.. ahahahaha!!!

so as blunt as my life may seem..there are some intresting things goin on behind the curtain.. but its behind the curtains.. so u'll nvr kno! here i go again being lame and vain..

arrgh!! hv maths test this week and i havent revised anything yet!! i actually brought home maths notes to revise atleast during the CNY holidays.. but guess wat i did..?? i was feeling soo lazy.. dat the only thing i felt like doin was sitting and rotting in one corner.. i would actualy get up early for the day and roll on my bed until it was 12 in the afternoon before i get out of the room.. now im wondering ..with all the time i had.. i could have done soo many things.. like i said.. dono why.. im soo BLUNT! :P:P:P:P:P:P

Because You Loved Me

Writin 365 little notes to the one you love.. making little little paper stars and filling it up in a box full of "i love u's" in hundreds of different languages.. getting 99 roses and the 100th rose u kno it represents u.. buying valentine muffins and arranging it in H.A.P.P.Y V.A.L.E.N.T.I.N.E.S D.A.Y .. or maybe a candle light dinner by the lake.. arent this all actions of love that u wanna be part of or waiting to be part of.. i wudnt lie.. deep in my heart i reali do wish sumone will do the same for me.. atleast in his own special way.. :)

sometimes i think too much.. haa.. oh whatever.. it will happen .. just keep prayin..
well.. i was watching "special moments with oprah" in hallmarks.. and charice a young filipino gal with a big voice was singing "because you love me" by celine dion with celine dion! just felt these versus were pretty touching..

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

:) :) :) :)

hola.. im trying to blog as much as i cn now..since now im back home and hv all the time in da world!! okay.. not reali.. i hv a maths test coming next week!! i hv to study which currently im not doin at all.. hv to start soon.. hm.. soon k..

im not axactly home tho.. crashin at my sister's place in kl.. bein the kacau daun between the newly weds..kekekeke.. tryin to get them to take me out and al.. im soo bad.. *evil laughs*

my yetta(alvin a.k.a bro in law) gaf me an angpao out of no where.. hehehe.. so sweet of him.. guess its for chinese new yer(yea ryt...)

valentines day was sweet.. for the newlyweds i mean.. alvin bought a valentines day vanila chocolate cake for my sister.. and i got bits of the cake.. -_-

oh well.. realii been wanting to watch dis tamil movie.. its suppose t b released on valentines day.. unfortunately its been postponed.. its a movie from gautham menon.. one of the best tamil movie directors whose collaborating with A.r rahman.. the songs lyk a.r rahman were superb!! i pray i cn watch it before i go back to kampar.. :) :) :) and the story sounds quite familiar...... hm.... heh heh

actuly ders a good news.. im talkin to you kno who alridi..... :)

D guy

digital fundamentals class finished at 6pm. i and my frend joe was alridi cycling.. den just lyk it had been scheduled.. it started raining!! had to stop at block D since the rain was just to heavy and the wind was blowing lyk it was typhoon.. a whole bunch of students stormed in D block.. i was shivering cold and joe was kind enuf to look out for my bicycle while i take warmth inside the block..

later.. a frend called sayin she was stuck too.. so i decided to accompany her .. so i chaw off to block c cafe and told joe to tek a rest. ACS club was having a treasure hunt den.. v cn sum seniours running like mad in the rain.. hunting.. hunting for treasure.. semangat giler! hahaha.. it was funny seeing them..

it was reali cold.. all i could think of is get wrapped up in my blanky ..sit by my window and sip a cup of coffee..( haaah... heaven.....) *back to reality* i decided to order a cup of coffee anyways..

it was den.. i saw D guy..

he's a senior.. had long hair.. unshaved beard.. hair was pretty messed up coz of the rain.. i've seen him before.. from far.. he looked like a drug addict.. didnt realy interest me... but this.. this was the 1st time seeing him up close.. i overlooked his unshaved face and messed up hair.. i saw his amazing features.. tall.. fair.. sharp nose.. and his beautiful light colored eyes........ honestly... it took my breath away.. my eyes just wouldnt look away.. it followed everywhere he went.. until he was out of sight...

okay.. i dono whether im overeacting.. i had "gaga" writen all over my face!! i didnt realise hw obvious it was coz my frens noticed it tooo.. i was just tellin vani bout it.. and she too realise dat he was prety good looking.. if he had shaved.. if onli he cut his hair.. he wud b the most gorgeous looking guy on the surface of the earth!!! the funny part is.. it was soo easy to get his name.. wat course his doin and all.. hhaha..

i've no intensions of stalking him.. but it was funny how others among my fren started noticing him after the detailed insight i gave bout him.. they all use to call him the "cockroach guy" / "the drug addict guy.." hehe.. turns out his in their chemistry class.. his doin biotech by the way.. one day after another.. i just kept getting updates bout him.. haha...

i admit.. he's a major crush..!! just a crush tho.. nothing serius.. just realy hope i'll get to talk to him sumday.. for now.. i'll just sit and admire him from far... waiting for the day.. he cuts his hair and finaly shave! hahaha..

jenny from the block.. lydia from the blog..

back to blogging!! lolz.. i kno lame title.. just thought of bein lame a bit.. since im always cool!!! ookok.. i poyo-ing now.. gosh!!! i misssed u my baby cutey inny minny mainy mo bloggey!! sori to those who read my blog.. i apologies from the bottom of my heart i'll stay faithful to blogging..

haha.. anyways..as u guys kno im in kampar now!!! k .. its been roughly 3 weeks now.. uni environment is just superb.. utar admin still sucks by the ways.. (its the same everywhere i guess..) and studies is pretty hard!! forget studies atm.. kampar campus is reali a nice place.. its surrounded by lakes everywhere and it looks as if its an african jungle where u can just imagine lions and tigers.. deers drinking water.. antlopes..all running around .. haha.. my description is pretty lame.. but u got to see it to believe it! u go to a class room and outside the window wat do u see?? a lake. when u go cafe and u look to ur left/right wat do u see??? a lake. and when u go library and when u look out the window wat do u see?? a lake!! it kinda makes it peaceful in a way.. :)

the food here is not too bad either.. its a lot cheaper and tasty!! ders so many many many food stalls here!!! honestly i think im putting on weight.. oopsy.. no!!! control lydia... control.. but on the downside the weather here is reali reali terible!!! its soo freakin hot!!!! for the 1st 2weeks i wasnt wearing a cap or or a jacket.. everyday i cud feel the scorching sun burning my skin.. and i got darker,.. wua wua wua... and worst comes.. my eye lid skin starts to peel off.. then it started swelling..O_O after 2 weeks i decided to go clinic( i kno i very bongok!) haha.. so yea.. i've been posting on facebook bout it.. so i guess most wud hv known wat happend.. hehe.. dat was a bummer..

its all good now.. settling in was easy with everyone here.. nithya, ganesan, vani, rosh, kalps, kavi, michelle, preet.. got to kno some new ppl too.. so far none super hot guys.. but still cnt help but to cuci mata .. kakakaa.. named a few guys too.. lookable guy.. stuck up guy.. macho guy.. stalker guy.. gorila guy.. and many other guys.. i'll put up a list of "guy"s soon.. haha..

so yea.. i'll hv to end now.. though i feel as if my fingers wudnt stop typing!! but i hv to stop.. i'll keep my blog alive.. don worry.. hehe... hv a testimony too!! god bless!!