dono wat to think..

feeling so frustrated.. tot it was a fun day.. but i guess the feeling wasnt mutual.. juz hope the people who have been backing me up all this while will keep backing me up.. if not i wud juz say dey were just a bunch of hypocrites who wud dare to call others a hypocrite but not realising dat dey are the biggest hypocrites of all!! where r u now dat i need u??? now u dont care bcoz u think im boring ryt?? dono wats up with dis f**cked up world with people wanna b "happening".. hmp.. kno wat.. i rather b boring den bein sum screwed up happening person~
u wanna b my fren den juz b my fren.. but den dont self proclaim to b my close fren.. if not juz screw urself to the wall...

*my usual tantrums toward certain people around me and to the world.. a world which nvr seem to end from its sin.. shame.. worst yet.. hypocrisy..*

freedom and frens

oh wow.. after spending 4 months of repeatin 3 subjecs which i failed.. im finaly off dat load on my shoulder.. d feeling of all the sweat and hardwork i've put within this 4 months is juz incredible.. in a way i've never been ashamed of my failures ..i always thought dat God has certain things planned out in a certain way for us.. and honestly saying this 4months been a blessing.. i met many ppl..made new frens.. became more nerdy(hehe.. seriusly).. but nevertheless i've became mor hardworking.. i learned to work hard and play hard..

here are sum ppl whom i respect and cherished this 4 months (coz probably i may not c them anymor):

the trios from sem 2 amitha devi, thurga and bagya.. honestly telling .. these are the most hardworkin creatures on the planet!!! they were soo humble and sweet and sooo frendly.. they were always der to teach me whenever i nvr understood those difficult sakit kepala question for maths and those complicated formulas for physics.. dey were ever kind to except me in their group as one of them.. Amitha is the lively one.. full of laughter and jokes.. very talkative but smart gal.. and she has the sweetest smile ever! Thurga is the smart chick.. short(shorter den me!!! finaly sumone..) cute and fearless despite her size..heehe.. very lovable character i wud say. Bagya is strict and straight forward.. also very helpful and ever willing to teach.. i'll always appreciate them!

hm.. next.. i use to hate this man but i realise his the sweetest lecturer ever!! GUess whoo???? hahahaha.. its d infamous Mr Chng Han Seong.. he was my physics lecturer.. eventhough on the surface he seems lyk a bakke.. but he's quite good in teaching.. i nvr understood his sense of humor befor but i always tot he was cute though..keke.. okok.. i hated him before coz i always felt dat he looked down on repeat students.. but unfortunately it was his way to joke... i kno.. sweat ryt.. beginning i still remember dat i was praying to God dat i wont have him as my lecturer but i realise God had his plans from the very beginning... mr chng turned out to be a blessing as well.. especially when it came to finals.. thk you soo much mr chng!!! ur goin to b deeply missed! ( btw.. i nvr tot i wud blog about him..hehe)

apart from dat i have taren.. my best buddy.. she's a tall, big eyed, beautiful, full of expression punjabi gal she was also repeating.. in a way .she was a big sense of comfort when i tot all my frens had left me for degree alridi :( ... shes another hard working gal.. her harworking spirit dat has always inspired me to work hard.. she was also my place to pour out my feelings, happiness sadness and sorrow.. she was a great listener, she was der when i needed a shoulder to cry on.. honestly im gonna miss her the most! :_(

den v have shabin!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg ..shabin anne.. how can i for get this mischivious character!!!! aiyo.. gonna miss his english accent and him calling me "princess lyjya" .. and i'd b callin him my pesant boy or butler.. not forgetting..he's also my gossip partner!!! gonna miss all the gossips la.. gonna miss all the maths tutorials v spent together and ur sanitiser!!! gonna miss those lunches in Tappers and Wendy's.. gonna miss makin fun of people v despise(for fun ny..) and all ur childhood stories!!he's soo full of character and very wise when it comes to serius situations..hehehe.. wowwy.. thks for all the advises!!

hm.. and also him.. him.. him.. if i wasnt stayin back in pj.. i wudnt have got to see him nor realy got to knohim.. it was a roller coster ride.. which im hoping will b come to halt.. i mean rather den bein a roller coster ..i wud rather hv it on a smooth tract.. haha.. it started off with a meeting on 628.. dats all i need to say.. for now.. :)

the sad part is...all good things always come to end.. i will b joining the kampar utar campus nex january.. and all these frens of mine are goin to or dey are alridi in Setapak!!!!!!!!!!!! This is cruel la.. y does it have to b this way??? now i hv to go kampar and make new frens again.. on the other hand.. i wud actuly hv more frens..hehe.. but... the one's im close to are not soo close.. watever it is.. im sure God has his ways in everything.. perhaps kampar wudnt be as bad as i think it wud b la.. hm.. (gona start cryin..)

all right.. probably be blogging more often now.. tryin to post atleast 100 post in my blog la..kakaka.. i always wondered how IN THE WOLRD JUAN REACHED 200th POST in ONE YEar???!!!!!! she's a blogger freak la.. oh yea another sweet undividual whome i got to reali kno this yer.. hmm.. indeed she was a good fren.. though v don meet often in person( same uni but difren blocks ..haiz..) but v'r r good blogger buddies (i think.. ) i wud describe her as an angel in disguise la.. (if she reads dis.. probably she's gonna think im giving her too much credit..kakaka) but seriusly juan.. u are an angel and u kno y.. :)

hm.. who else.. der are quite alot.. but i just highlighted the memorable one's... no offence to anyone ya.. take care ppl.. love y'll always..God bless you in all ur future undertakings!!!

spinning..

maths 1 is killing me la.. especially coordinate geometry!!! u hv to find the equation.. den the gradient.. den the loci.. den d..zzzzzzzzz... giving me major headache.. seriusly..

a gurls worst nightmare..

yesterday morning i got up and felt a lump at the right side of my forehead.. and it stinged a little.. so i went up to the mirror and i saw the most fearful thing ..guess wat.. it was a pimple!!!! arg..!!!! i have a girls worst nightmare ryt on the side of my forehead!!! it was big, red and lumpy.. as it is i have a big forehead now i hv another BIg thing to brag about.. haihz.. i went straight to shower ..washed my face with clean and clear deep pore cleaning.. after dat i applied toner and moisturizer.. but obviously the pimples didnt go away la..! i had church later dat evening and lucky for my fringe i was able to cover it up.. hehe..
i still remember yers ago.. when i was still in high school.. where ur body's hormones are still unstable.. when just about every corner of ur face was pimples.. dat was the scariest tym of my lyf!!! my self esteem juz went low.. (no guys will ever luk at mey!!!! ..T_T).. the pimples were soo horible and scary and huge and and and... and... i cnt take it.. dis is too much of my past as an ugly duckling revealed.. cut cut cut!!!

ahem..

today morning i got.. the lump was smaller(thks to clean and clear deep pore cleansing and also giving thanks to the toner and moisturizer la..) but it was still red and stingy :( .. i juz hope it goes away peacefully and quietly..
:)

falling for u.... <3

i juz love colbie caillat songs!! she describes well hw when a person is falling in love..
and lovin' my blogs new skin!

I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better
I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my
been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
As I’m standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It's just you and me
I’m trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
Oh I just can’t take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
I can’t stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can’t hide it
I think I’m fallin’ for you (x2)
I’m fallin’ for you
OoohhhOh no noOooooohhh
Oh I’m fallin’ for you

just a little longer :)

bear with me..

just a little longer..

a little more patience and a little more perseverance..

dont give up the race.. :)

finals and finaly him.. hmm..

oh god.. my finals are starting lyk dis coming friday!!! im freakin out!! im loosing sleep.. im always tellin others to calm but i cnt c myself bein calm nw.. pheeeewww...!!!! been tryin to hv a nap.. feelin tired but cnt sleep.. wish i had sleepin pill or sumthing.. alot of distractions ... 1st him, 2nd my headache, 3rd ders a bunch of lumberjacks outside my apartment cuttin trees!!!!!! imagine the noise from dat tree cutting machine la.. hmp..great .. the trees were useful for shade but nw dey are gone! cnt.. 4th my stomach, 5th him...6th him.. 7th him.. 8th him.. 9th him..10th him!!!! arg!! haiyo..watever la.. anyways.. munching on munchy's muzic muss chunky hazelnut creme sinfully riched in chocolate filled wafers and blogging boring stuff into my blog..

i wonder y does my lyf get soo boring and uninteresting.. i hv sum dude askin me bout my personal lyf and whose dis fella who likes me and all.. and im lyk "wtf dude.. y is it soo surpricing dat sumone lyks me??? (even im surprice.. but still who is he to judge?!)" be happy dat u don lyk me la.. hais..nevertheless.. i was piss with dat.. for people who dono wat im goin thru juz stay out of my personal lyf..

i kno i appear to b boring and all.. and im not all dat happening and all.. but at one point in my lyf i was happy dat sumone loved me for who i was.. and didnt care bout my appearance .. someone who saw through me.. and wanted to b with me despite the odds.. SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY REALLY LOVED ME!

hm.. .. its been 3 days since we called or message.. i was annoyed dat friday coz he kept callin at dat tym i was soo sleep deprived .. i juz needed sleep to study.. and here he was callin me i kno to atleast hear my voice.. saying dat he loves me and dat he wasnt able to c me as a frend.. all i said was if u cant c me as a frend den juz stop calling me... after a few seconds of pause he finally said ok and hung up.. i kno i was cruel..

im sori.. i truly am.. i kno was rude..i didnt want dis for us.. i kno its not fair .. not fair to u my .......... but its been 3 days.. i dono whether i still deserve to say sori o not.. but i reali miss u.. i wanna hear ur voice again.. i pick up the phone yet i cnt bring myself to call u.. i wanna msg u but i cnt bring myself to do it.. i go into my inbox lookin for ur last msg which says "i m sory!" and ur last call was on saturday 3:54am (which i dint pick up.. fast asleep).. i dono why i have to remember everything in detail.. i reali wana be a frend to u.. but think bout it.. hw cn i b a frend to sumone who doesnt c me as a frend??? wnt it b awkward.. ??? maybe this separation is wat we need.. atleast until our exams r over.. hm.. but plz .. try.. its makin me upset dat im loosing a frend as well..

.......

back to me.. im tired.. in all kinds of mood.. and im hungry.. had maths2 consultation today.. after the consultation ..felt bit confident for maths2.. nw hv to juggle maths1 and phy2.. jz wanna get over with it..

GOOD BLESS U FOR ALL UTAR FRENDS FOR THEIR FINALS!!

==fools in love==

Fools in love, well are there any other kind of lovers?

Fools in love, is there any other kind of pain?

Everything you do, everywhere you go now

Everything you touch, everything you feel

Everything you see, everything you know now

Everything you do, you do it for your lady Love

your lady, love your lady Love your lady, love...

Fools in love, are there any creatures more pathetic?

Fools in love, never knowing when they've lost the game

Everything you do, everywhere you go now

Everything you touch, everything you feel

Everything you see, everything you know now

Everything you do, you do it for your lady Love

your lady, love your lady Love your lady, love...

Fools in love they think they're heroes

'Cause they get to feel no pain I say fools in love are zeros

I should know, I should know

Because this fool's in love again

Fools in love, gently hold each others hands forever

Fools in love, gently tear each other limb from limb

Everything you do, everywhere you go now

Everything you touch, everything you feel

Everything you do, even your rock 'n' roll now

Nothing mean a thing except you and your lady Love

your lady, love your lady Love your lady, love...

Fools in love they think they're heroes

'Cause they get to feel no pain I say fools in love are zeros

I should know, I should know

Because this fool's in love again

hmm.. rats and stuff

lately juz feel lyk blogging alot.. im not sure y.. funny.. coz finals is nearing and now oni im finding all the tym in da world to blog!!!!!! lydia chi seng alridi la.. haiyo.. stupid annoyin rats are roaming around da house.. weirdly i don c them.. but can always find evidence of them.. leaving long small thin strains of shit.. and my precious clothes bein eaten!!!!!!!! dis morning after showering.. i wanted to wear my fav black body glove top.. and here as im takin it out of the new washed laudaries.. HOLES!!!!!!! i looked through most of the clothes and most of my undies had holes too!!! grrrr!! i got soo pist off.. tonite im on a mission.. im a lady on a mission now.. and no one can stop me.. not even the 3 blind mice or the 3 blind musketeers! im gona set traps for them and leave them for dead without food or water under the hot sun and let them rot to death!!!! ok..ok.. im not dat cruel ok.. i'll c.. if dey cute.. den probably i'll let them go.. if deir ugly.. den .. u know.....muhhahahaha!!!!! anyway after dat i had my brekfast ..sum mee goreng .. and prayed and started studyin.. den bloggin..and nw super super hungry.. all alone in da house.. felicia chechi and christina dumped me in kl and balik kampung d.. i was given my dis weeks allowance.. but feeling soo malas to go out and makan..alone.. :( .. hm.. k den.. happy studyin!!! .. on second tought..im goin out to buy food la..

confused, defused, refused.. its all mixed up..

getting so pist off with hw things r goin lately.. wat wrong with u lydia??!!! wasting my whole day not studyin.. come on la.. ur repeating la.. don juz sit down and watch tv!! dont let things around u to get to u.. stay strong .. stay alert.. stay focused.. where has ur lyf moto led u??? determination, dedication, commitment.. haih.. even d person who taught me this oso not follwing it.. den wat u expect of me.. y la u doin this to me.. if u cnt get over me.. den juz stop msging or calling.. y making it dificult for me if ur finding it difficult as well.. look at me now.. missing u .. waiting for ur call or a msg from u.. sumtyms i wonder if ur doin it on purpose.. its juz makin me uncomfortable.. i've let u go.. its either u abide to my conditions and stay or plz juz find sumone else.. study la lydia.. study la.. got maths1 maths2 and physic2 la.. u can do it.. u've done well so far... so keep it up.. the Lord blessing is with u.. god bless me.. haleluya , amen..

ps: i've bcome officially delussional..