haha.. !! yea people !! its deepavali!! Goin home today at 9:44am train! home sweet home babey! Cant wait for friday.. go for deepavali visiting.. eating those delicious, mouth watering, rich, splendid indian sweet! paal kua.. jelebi.. kesari.. achimuruku.. murukus..!! who can forget the thosais, capatis , idlis and idiappom with chicken curry and sambar!!! oh my God..! im literally drooling!!
okay enough of the deepavali fever..
oh well.. not really in the mood to blog lately.. having alot of things in my mind which i hv yet to let go of.. aLOT! especially now... i can never understand one thing about myself.. im always envious of somebody... i donno why.. as much as i try to stay positive.. i really donno if anyone would be envious of me???
Despite having the good friends.. the "past" .. great church friends... the life.. the countless blessings.. why lord..? why do i still feel like im missing out on something? i feel sad.. depressed.. angry.. frustrated sometimes.. because honestly.. i AM A LOW SELF ESTEEMED PERSON =( .. im constantly trying to find something good about myself .. something that i like about myself.. so far.. i honestly dont know..
one day.. i am going to face this world.. one day.. the friends dat i have now wont be there anymore to be there by my side to hear me out though i kno one can overcome all things through Christ Jesus.. but yea.. friends.. they too would have their own life to attend too already.. one day.. the people im with now.. wont be with me now forever.. wat will i do? wat will i do??
Alot of things have happened in my life.. i've seen people change.. for the better or for worst.. as for the worst i can only pray that God will save you.. and i definately hope not to be apart of it.. i've constantly had this desire to just travel.. go out all by myself.. not having the independent college life kind of independency but just totally no strings attached.. the real independency.. all by yourself... to travel.. and work wherever possible.. once you've gained anough money then go on the move again.. kinda reminds me of Christopher Mccandless.. if u dont know who he is.. you should definately go find out.. he's a legend and a hero..
i feel like i just need a break..just go out without telling anyone.. go on a spiritual journey... leaving the world aside.. finding me in Him.. Im sure most would say : "why go on the journey when u can find God while prayin in ur room?" =/ oh well.. i reali dont hv the answer to that.. its just a personal thing.. :)
i always had the desire to bald myself.. like seriusly.. oh nO.. i am no britney spears k.. im totally fine with no psycological problems..its just a once in a life time thing which i reali desire to do..
i know my blog has been quite random lately.. not much of an update on a totally vain life which i have...apart from STILL recovering from a very terrible flu, had Pengajian Malaysia xm , got total cake facial for Lacness, Chris, and Mahes's birthday eventhough i tried running awaysoo badly.. played cs with kalai and mahes then kalai taught me how to play Left 4 Dead~~!(becoming a gaming pro now) oh well.. i guess my life isnt exactly the epidemic of vain.. but..
God.. why am i the way that i am??
=/ ...............
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