upset

Feeling so upset.. i dun even kno wat to do ..or wat to do or wat to say.. i guess God foreseen it comin.. He knew i was goin to be this vulnerable..this upset.. this hurt..

initially i was excited to go Kampar.. i tot i'd nvr hv a problem goin der.. and i didnt kno why the pastor's wife wud say "ur bein vulnerable about the place ur goin" when she prayed for me.. i didnt feel as vulnerable as i am now.. u ask me why?? tell me.. how many of my frens are goin to Kampar.. ?? thinkin dat with these bunch of frens around i'll b okay.. 1st chris .. now vetha... and i realise onli 2 of those who repeated with me are actuly goin Kampar.. one sasi den the other is me..

its not lyk i don hv any fren bak der.. but it hard to get sumone who actuly is close to u.. im pretty complicated.. how many can actuly put up with it ah??? im sure most wud just think im weird.. i sstarting to feel ppl whom i considerd my close frens are bunch of cowards( no offence to any of u who actuly follow my blog) .. who who...who just didnt care bout me.. ukay... im bein selfish here.. i kno..

gosh.. its soo much harder den i thought.. i hv tears in my eyes.. i dono y in da world am i bein soo sensitive.. feel soo hurt.. feel lyk all they ever cared about having in lyf is fun.. is it dat hard to leave a place lyk kl and settle down in a place lyk Kampar??? wat happen to widening ur horizons?? wat happen to priorities in studies?? wat happen to living independently?? wat happen to standing on ur own feet?? wat happen to having a little faith in urself and work hard??? stop giving excuses dat studyin in utar is too hard jut becoz u cnt afford to work ur fuckin ass off!!

wherever u go.. do u think its gonna b easy?? everywhere u go.. wherever u study.. u still hv to work hard to get the good grades!! nothing comes easy.. y cnt ppl understand this simple fact and stop finding an easy way out to reach to the top.. y is it soo hard for ppl to aim high.. reach up as far as u can as ur limit is only the sky.. ?? come on la.. excuses dat u guys gif is too weak for me to accept.. u guys are weak....

remember.. taking the easy way out is never the solution.. ppl cn hv many reasons to leave utar... but the reasons y'll gif.. is.. crap.. "dey purposely fail indians la.. dey'll also fail me la.. 300 hundrend student were drop put of utar for not getting past 2.0 for deir courses.. and 200 hundred were indians..." let me tell u.. even in foundation in science.. how many of us indians failed??? all i kno is majority is indians.. honestly.. u cn tell the difrence between whose the hardworking one.. and who r the non hardworking one.. ders no such shit as "purposely failing" a student.. but on high side.. think bout it.. werent der also indians who passed foudation and went off to degree??? why?? simple..becoz.. dey were hardworking.. and some myt hv just gotten lucky.. i don c any of them complaining apart from the systems.. and either den that..i dont c y shud u??

i kno i ws one of the unlucky ones who failed certain subjects.. and.. i was also one of those who wasnt afraid to admit she's a repeat student.. while repeating.. i realise the difrence from the effort i put in before and when i was repeating.. i worked but ass off and for me dats wat matterd most at dat tym.. and the outcome?? i scored great results!! wat do u say bout dat??? my studies are a living prove and a living testimony for all of u out der! so don gif me shit reasons lyk utar is too hard.. or deir bein racist or deir practicing quota system!

i guess wat i say probably wnt matter to anyone.. go ahead.. do watever u want.. but if u don put in effort in watever u do.. ur gonna b left in da same dump u thought u have left no matter where u go.. remember.. ders no shortcuts in life.. its all about hw u deal with the failures and hardship dat'll mek u the person u wanna aaCTUALLy b in life.. as for me.. :

"Work hard and pray.. and let God take care of the rest"

dont b afraid.. but have faith in God.. why be afraid when u hv a great and mighty God at your side..???Dont doubt urself.. because when u doubt urself.. u'll hv doubts in ur prayer.. He will take care of all the obstacles.hurdles..the unfairness of this society.. cheaters..liers.. backstabbers.. hooks and crooks..!! and DONT blame God for ur irresponsibility and selfishness to indulge urself in the temptations of the world even when u kno u hv priorities..!! ~_~