are You hearing me??

aaaaaaaaaahHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! dont ask me why.. just wanna SCREAMMMM!!!!! but not its not helping anyways.. i cant reali express it... im just writing it! one thing i've always been bad at..EXPRESSING.. is my heart literally made of stone??? sometimes i wish i was like one of those who are easily emotional.. and they couuld cry and cry and cry.. crying is good for the eyes after all.. no wonder im wearing specs.. and seriusly it cud save me all the miserableness and emo-ness.. is it always like this when finals is around the corner.. its reali freakin me out.. seriusly!! hair dropping like mad.. i reali hope not to get bald when i leave kampar in 3 years time.. no one wud wana marry me then.. wuah wuah wuah.. !!

God.. IM SORRY.. i know its been quite sometime since i reali knelt down and spent time with You Lord.. and im positive that the reasons for my miserableness is this as well.. not being able to feel You there.. filling myself with the frustration of this heartless world is too unbearable.. i just cant take it !! feeling soo torned ..soo ripped apart.. just want someone with me.. to hold me real tight.. feel so alone.. i want You Jesus...Your embrace.. Your love.. Your joy.. Your peace.. are you hearing me LORD??!!! are YOU?!

help me Lord.. help me.. i want to serve You with a contrite heart.. without fear.. without doubt.. just to serve You in the way You want me to.. use me.. anoint me.. to share Your love to others without feeling like a hypocrite... but with firmness and truth!

God.. sorry for being such a brat.. i feel so like the prodigal son-ish.. just wanna get my heart straight with You.. and i know that i'll be okay.. <3

This song cease to linger in my head..

"If my heart has grown cold,

There Your love will unfold

As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.

When I'm blind to my way

There Your Spirit will pray

As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand"